Punky Mama

Four days people, four days.

After fighting last week over the math grade and fighting earlier in the month to change Ryan’s classroom at the last minute, I think I can coast out the last four days of school. Well, I am hoping.

Ryan and I were in the grocery store Saturday and ran into his new homeroom teacher. She hugged him tight and introduced him to her elderly mother. During that conversation she told me that they would not be switching classes this week and there was to be no more homework.  Ryan and I celebrated all the way home hearing the news.  They are going to have tons of fun activities this week.  His class were reading buddies to the kindergarteners, well Ryan wasn’t, but he gets to be included in the mini fun fair they are having tomorrow.  The teacher has been doing fun art projects, and they are going to have a read outside day this week.  I love that she is not a teacher who parks the kids in front of a movie but makes the last week super fun.  Wednesday is the first swim meet so I am taking them out of school early to attend the meet because right now swimming is important and school is bleeding into our summer.  On Thursday morning I will let them sleep in because the meet will be over late and hey, like I said school is messing with our summer. Tomorrow I am going to pick the boys up from school with dinner packed and we are going to head right to the pool from school, so they can play for two hours before swim practice. I know this is going to make them so happy.

It was nice to hear from Ryan’s teacher that he had a GREAT day and he bounded out of school with a flash of red hair and a smile on his face.  It should have been that way all year.

Four days and I will never have to deal with these people again.  I hope next year I can look back at this school year as a huge nightmare that ended and could only be remembered in bits and pieces.

We have had an amazing day. No car needed, brunch at home, a walk to the movies, chilling out, and later dinner at a local restaurant that we know will feed Aaron safely.  It just doesn’t get better than a day like this.

Dear Arsailman,

I wanted to send you a Father’s Day card but you are not biologically my father and I couldn’t find a card that expressed my feelings.  Instead I decided to turn my thoughts into a blog post. You read my blog most days and comment here and there.  I value your encouragement and thoughts on raising my sons and the management of my life. You have insight and wisdom that I respect.

I met you when I was a teenager. Your daughter and I became fast friends while sitting in homeroom together. I just moved to the public school after leaving a catholic high school.  I really didn’t know anyone and it still amazes me that I met my best friend of my teen years the first class, the first day in my new school.  We used to laugh that our last names were one letter different.  We were close and she my fierce ally.  Your house became a safe haven for me.  My parents had me later in life and in the 80′s they were saddled with a 1940′s morality which had us at odds.  They were done parenting by the time I was a teenager and many a time you had sage advice and care for me when I needed it, while my parents were busy pretending to be empty nesters.

I know my tattoos and the band put you off a bit but you always supported me knowing it is what made me happy, although you really didn’t understand.  It’s ok you don’t have to get it but knowing you still cared about me meant the world because in my life my biological parents emotionally have abandoned me over and over again which taught me that being me was never enough.

Through my blog you have gained a glimpse into my daily life. It is a good life, an honest life, filled with love.  You have supported me in so many ways. You have signed petitions limiting peanuts on planes after I explained why it was important for Aaron and so many others. You have sent me kind words while I struggled with Ryan and the rest of the world, reassuring me that I was doing a great job even though there are some days I feel I am not up to the task of parenting a child with so many developmental issues. You have been protective of my family over and over again.  You remind me that you care when you send me articles on this and that. I appreciate it so.

Like a Dad, you have reminded me to say thank you and please. You have shown me that there is a life after kids.  You are a trailblazer having raised two daughters alone way before fathers had a role like that in their children’s lives. You had no role models, you made it up as you went along.  You did an amazing job and your daughters are women who are happy, can support themselves, and have love in their lives.  It is a testament to the job you have done.

Thank you for choosing me.  For choosing to remain part of our lives. I hope this summer Ryan is in a good place so we can travel to see you in South Carolina.  Thank you for being a Father figure in my life.  I hope you have an amazing Father’s Day.

If you lived closer we’d surely have you over for a bar-b-que.

With Love,

Jo-Ann

This morning I woke up groggy like I do almost every Friday morning, after working a late night Thursday shift. My husband helped me get the kids breakfast and it is one of the only times during the week we all sit together for a few minutes.  I was putting the kids envelopes in their bags for assorted fee’s associated with school and the dollar for dress down Friday. Aaron exclaimed, Mom I want to go to after school program for the end of the year party!! I was all for that since after school costs all of $5 a day.  I asked Ryan do you want to go? He looked at me sadly and said, no Mom can I please just come home with you?

I have outgoing kids.  They are joiners.  They like to take part in things. Ryan went to after school every Friday in Kindergarten, First Grade, and Second Grade.  He loved it!!  He especially liked the parties at Christmas or the end of the year. Even the beginning of this year he was eager to join choir and attend after school program.  Having been in crisis here and there over the year made these activities hard and Ryan has become very wary of joining anything except swimming because he is afraid he will not be successful. He has been beaten over the head with his deficits daily without being told about his positive attributes.

I am so angry because this school year experience is beating the adventure out of my kid. A curious sense of adventure has driven me most of my life. Adventure is the thing for me that keeps life interesting. A sense of adventure brought me out of my comfort zone over and over again and the experiences I have had and the people I have met will be with me forever.  My husband does not share my sense of adventure but he tapped into my excitement and got in the van or with white knuckles, got on a plane and shared adventures with me in the band and beyond.

I am hoping to provide positive experiences for Ryan to bring his adventure back.  The fearless yet impulsive and empathetic kid who was always up for adventure has to be in there somewhere. Let’s hope I can help him rediscover all that is good about him while helping him work on the parts that are socially unacceptable.  I hope by August I have a kid whose eyes shine when I present him with an adventure we can share instead of the quiet morose kid I have right now.