Punky Mama


Ryan The Organizer

We had band t-shirts arrive this week.  This means the ones that were mail ordered had to be packed up, the ones for people who will pick them up at the bar had to be packed in my work bag with the person’s name on them.  The rest of the shirts had to be rolled in a way that you can read the tag and the person has a small parcel carry out of the show. We have been doing it this way since our first tour with shirts.  It makes it much easier to sell them and find the size you want. I have not rolled out shirts in many years.  We would listen to music and Ross and I would roll out shirts, sometimes my husband would help too.  Mostly this was a job I could count on Ross to help me with, I think even Dallas helped on a big double run of shirts.  I was mentally missing living with the band.

We went to pick up shirts when Aaron was sick.  I came home and felt daunted at the job in front of me. Ryan jumped up and helped me. Even with his ADHD disorganization, he was the one to get us organized. He sat and sorted the rubber bands by color. He came up with a system.  Green band for the large shirts, red for extra large, and so on, and so forth. It was a great new addition to our Thorazine system of shirt sorting.  Soon the missing passed and it was replaced by a wave of gratitude. The person who is most challenged by organization, took my system of organizing and made it even better.  We sat and rolled the shirts out and packed the packages.  He sat with me till the job was done even though his friend was on skype wanting to play computer games.

Love that kid.

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Strep and T-Shirts.

Ryan was sick most of last week. The doctor took a strep test but the quick test was negative.  They then sent the sample out. Eventually they got the strep test back and it was positive and not till two full days of antibiotics did he start feeling better.  Yesterday afternoon I knew something was wrong when Aaron fell asleep on the couch before dinner.  He was up a lot over night mumbling about half dreams, half fever hallucinations that sounded eerily like a combination of the Lord of the Flies and Fight Club. Today he had a strep test but the doctor knew she had just seen Ryan and started Aaron on antibiotics.  In the morning my husband took Ryan to school, but I had to go get him.  Aaron was in the backseat unable to open his eyes because the beautiful sunlight on a spring afternoon was more than he could take. He is leveled on the couch mass consuming Netflix. Poor bubbie.

Today the first Thorazine shirts arrived as did our merch from Dionysus Records! It has been very exciting to have real band merch in the house. I spent the day taking pay pal orders for people who live far away and packing parcels. I swear this show has the air of a wedding or something. Mind you my wedding was simple and super low key, so this reunion may be the closest I ever get to a party of that magnitude.  It reminds me of how when I lived at the Killtime Warehouse and we would have a big show. We’d have to clean and organize. Set up the sound system.  Make a huge dinner for all the bands. It always had the air of a wonderful holiday. This is the same.  People from afar sending good wishes. People nearby planning their naps to stay up late that night. Playing with other bands who are long term friends. It’s exciting.

If anyone wants a shirt email me at joann.rogan(AT)gmail.com and I will direct you on how we can get you a shirt. Below is the totally inappropriate for kids, perfect for the band, graphic. We have them in men’s sizes from small all the way to double extra large.  Get yours!


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Easter Smeaster

Being that the only time my kids have been to church is with my Mother, we are not used to a traditional Easter. Of course, we co-opted the holiday to become our own. The kids got Easter baskets, had an egg hunt, and all that stuff this morning and after breakfast I looked at my husband and declared, I am going back to bed in where I slept till almost noon.  I have not done that in a LONG time and I woke up feeling all weird but rested. We prepped an allergen free grilled fish extravaganza feast to make later.  My husband and Ryan, who is finally feeling well after being sick all week, went out to skate in their roller skate shoes. Aaron who is now getting what Ryan last week, is asleep on the couch and Ryan and some of our favorite neighbors are quietly whispering and playing Mindcraft. I swear my husband has watched movies all day.

We have been so on the go for so long. We had swim team every weekends until it was replaced with Thorazine rehearsal. I can’t remember the last quiet weekend day we have had in where we did so little. This is my kind of holiday!


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Can’t Stop, Can’t Slow Down, I Can’t Get Off, And On, And On, And On, And On Now.  – (Riding the) Train  – Thorazine  – Crazy Uncle Paul’s Dead Squirrel Wedding 1996

With two rehearsals to go we all walked into our practice space today with new spoken and unspoken objectives. We want to come back roaring like a freight train, not peeping like wimps. From the start of the rehearsal something was different today. We were done learning and we needed to play harder than hard and faster than fast leaving it all in the rehearsal. Song after song we were figuring out when we can go right into the next song without stopping and where we needed to stop. In the past we would rehearse three days a week. We would play every freaking Thorazine song a few times every week. This time we are stripped down. One rehearsal a week with the set we chose a number of weeks back. We never rehearsed this way before. We changed the set every night on tour and when we played local, so there was never the planning that has gone into this set. It’s  a new way of doing things for us and I like it. It makes for a cohesiveness that we never had before. It’s easier to become one mind and plan for the ebbs and flows of the set.

I entered rehearsal this week unsure. I have been feeling super fearful about the show all week and have been having a general feeling of uneasy when it comes to the band. Today after working two nights till 3am I got up to rehearse. Last night a customer spoke of my friend who passed, Jack Gorie. When I first heard his band Scab Cadillac I thought to myself that I want to sing like that. He had a dark, rich, full voice.  Of course I am female but, you get the point.I wore my treasured Deadspot shirt to rehearsal today, hoping the juju of Mike Illes who handed me the shirt at the last Deadspot show, after I confessed to him that he was one of my inspirations, when I started singing.  He sings soulfully and he can scream so that you can feel it in your toes. He also through social media has become so encouraging of my getting back in the game. I channeled these men whose talent has driven me for so many years. I took my band, who I swear has been shooting up geritol or something because they put the pedal to the metal today like youngins. The music flowed. It was hard, fast, and so much fun it should be illegal.

If we had played our show today I would of left the club proud of what I threw out on the people.  All of a sudden I think I can, and that feels darn good.


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