Punky Mama

Yes, I know, I am very late tonight and I am so tired I feel like I am about to fall into a coma.  I got our chaotic kids home from swimming and my husband was home early for him.  The kids got, believe it or not, even more chaotic. We hustled them into bed and I sat down to finish a project that has been weighing on me all weekend the kids resisted sleep and took more trips to the bathroom and other heel dragging tactics than normal.  Finally I got to work on my project but suffice to say writing the same sentences with the same info nine different ways is hard, repetitive, and deceptively hard.  Suddenly, I could not find my phone I tore apart the house looking, I stripped searched the car, I stopped the washer and looked in my pants.  It was no where, wait it could be at the pool where I was sitting outside away from the very steamy pool building working.

I jumped in the car and drove the 20 minutes back to the pool.  There was my phone right were I was sitting.  Luckily, I was sitting against the building in the shade and my phone was protected from most of the rain by the eave.

To make a long story short.  I am tired and all my time since the kids went to bed has been working or running around the Greater Philadelphia Area looking for my stupid, I can’t live without it, phone.  Goodnight.  Harumph

When you have a kid like Ryan you run into people who either get him or they don’t.  It’s a visceral reaction usually that people sneer looking at him or smile wide.  A few years back Ryan had a swim instructor who has ADHD.  She was amazing with him and he adored her.  She is still a lifeguard at the pool and she has a special place in her heart for both Ryan and Aaron.

This afternoon she motioned me over to talk to me.  My heart sunk.  Usually if a lifeguard pulls me over they have bad news and Ryan has really stepped over the line.  She said Ryan has been so well behaved all weekend.  The lifeguards were talking about the incredible difference in his behavior between this year and last year.  He has been using his please and thank you with everyone and following the pool rules like no running on the deck.  When a smaller kid budged in front of him in the high dive line he has been gracious.  A younger kid was scared to take his high dive test and before the test Ryan told him how to pass it.  He even got involved with the water polo game and since he was younger they let him be the goalie.  Ryan has all weekend wandered around the pool with a smile on his face.   I thanked the lifeguard as tears came to my eyes.  Rarely do people go out of their way to tell me what Ryan did right.  It meant the world to me.

There are not many lessons I bring from my family to my life now.  One of those lessons is not burning bridges.  I was a IT consultant in the late 90′s  and I loved the company I worked for and the people who ran it.  The tech decline in the early 90′s had me bartending and consulting to make a living.  I set out to find more steady employment.  I found a regular job and I gave two weeks notice to people I loved working and collaborating with.  I told them the predicament and they respected me and my decision.  I saw these men here and there and I told them about my pregnancy and my husbands extended unemployment.  They got him jobs here and there.  Finally they found him a job that got him to the job he has now.  I know in my heart by not burning bridges I kept the doors open for the opportunity that made my family thrive at a time we really needed it.

Ryan has had enough with karate.  It’s hard for him to try hard in school and with his homework, to then go off and have to perform for karate.  Last week I worked on a Friday and my neighbor nephew took the kids to karate.  Ryan just could not maintain his behavior after going to after school program.  Usually on the mile plus walk to karate I subtlety work social stories into our conversation.  I have done this as part of our life for so many years that  I forget I am doing it.  These days usually Ryan starts the social story conversation.  He has ALL week told me how done with karate he is.  I told him that he needed to go back to karate and finish the month.  I told him he needed to leave the class as a gentleman in case he wanted to return someday.

Today he went to the class.  Ryan and Aaron were the only kids who showed up.  Aaron was having a hard time.  Ryan heard me and did his best.  He finished karate like a gentleman.  He did amazing in class and if he wanted to return he could.  I was so proud that at 8 years old he heard me and understood that burning bridges should be avoided, it you can help it. I am still feeling completely proud.

Aaron is in trouble this week.  Ryan’s homework is taking more and more time the poor thing gets less and less time but I try my hardest to give him what he needs and I feel like I am failing miserably.  This week in school at lunch he jumped on top of his separate lunch desk and jumped off.  The K teacher was livid at him.  Every few months he pulls a completely inappropriate stunt like pulling his pants down to show another kid his underwear.  At home when in trouble lately he has done things like spray furniture polish on the floor to make us fall, destroy his blinds, and cause general mayhem.

Most of the time Aaron is a very smart, well behaved kid.  I take time sit with him as he reads his pile of books daily (he is up to 565 books read today) and help him with homework.  I praise him for everything he does right, he looses a privileged when he has done wrong.  I am as consistent as I am with Ryan. Each weekend both my husband and I take time just for him but still he is mega jealous of any time Ryan gets.  In his mind he is treated unfairly.  As soon as Ryan’s homework inevitably takes longer than his, he loudly declared how mean I am.  Today I tried to help Ryan finish his homework on the deck so Aaron could play with the kids outside.  A ball went on a neighbors upper deck, so Aaron walked in through an unlocked door into the neighbors empty house to retrieve it!!  I made him come inside for a while, I told him just how dangerous that was to do and I made him wait inside till I could watch him with all of my attention. Eventually he wound up running around outside in just his underwear and I had to drag him into the house when I said he was being inappropriate.

Ask me about when he was two and tried to take a bus to see me at work alone or this past Christmas we were downtown, he wasn’t paying attention.  He went to cross the street and he nearly got hit by a taxi.  Aaron, I have a heart attack brewing with your name on it son.

Ryan came home from school early with a fever and not feeling well today.  I never like to see my kids sick but I really enjoyed spending time alone in the house with him.  After he rested for a while we banged out just the required math sheet and we studied some spelling.  We didn’t read for the reading comprehension test, we didn’t do the 20 minutes of reading, or the 20 minutes of math drills.  He was sick and I wanted to let him rest and my wild boy who never sleeps in the day, feel asleep on the couch. Tomorrow most likely he won’t go to school.

A friend picked Aaron up from school.  Her daughter and Aaron conned her into hosting a play date/homework date.  He didn’t arrive home till 5:30pm!! When Aaron came home I had time to curl up with him in bed and let him read his six books to me usually I have my attention divided between the two.  The teacher caps Aaron at six books a day because he will bring home fifteen, if she lets him, and she wants him to take the time to be a kid and not doing homework for hours.  Yes, I know she is a teacher in the same school. If I could replicate the K teacher I would believe me.

I had time to spend with both kids today and focus on both.  Schoolwork didn’t take longer than thirty minutes in my house today.  I was at almost at a loss what to do with my time!!! It felt downright normal and almost decadent like eating ice cream or a mid week vacation day, then it hit me because everyday should be like today minus the sick kid.