Punky Mama

I can remember clearly the Memorial Day weekends that have been cold and rainy in my life.  The first memory I was about ten years old.  I remember we had outside plans for a neighborhood bar-b-que but they were canceled.  Every glance outside revealed thick thick Long Island fog.  I was so disappointed that our outside plans were canceled.  I can clearly hear my Dad’s voice in my head say, Josie this weather can’t last forever you will be swimming outside by next week. We played so many card games, checkers, dominoes, and games of cribbage that day.  Just thinking of this makes me miss him more than I do everyday.

The next rainy Memorial Day Weekend that stands out for me I was about twenty one years old.  I was dating a dude whose family hated me and I was pretending to be more typical than I actually am.  My boyfriend and I layed around all weekend and all I could think about was offing myself.  I hated life because I was so afraid to be who I wanted to be and not what other people wanted me to be.  I remember driving to and from college thinking this can’t be it, I can’t spend the rest of my life pretending that I don’t want adventures.   We went to an amazing Mexican restaurant that used to be at 40th and Walnut.  I remember that year both the 4th of July and Memorial Day were rainy. I was so sad and miserable without a tribe. It was not long after that I started meeting my peeps who are still in my life from West Philly.

My former nephew neighbor’s birthday is Memorial Day Weekend.  I remember going to a house my sister used to own at the Jersey Shore to celebrate his birthday.  We took the teenage kids to the arcade and the movies in the rain.  Although it rained all weekend I was so happy to be surrounded by family and my nephews friends. I remember my then boyfriend, now husband bonding with my ADHD nephew.  By the end of the weekend my nephew was wearing my now husbands shredded hoodie. Those two are close to this day.  It was a life changing weekend.

A few years ago it rained all Memorial Day Weekend. The kids wanted to swim outside but at that time we were indoor pool members as well as outdoor pool members. It was before the kids started swimming swim team.  We had so much fun at the empty indoor pool that weekend.  It was  a time when it was hard to live with both kids because ADHD preschooler was tough. We had an amazing time swimming. We laughed and played.  My husband and I got to spend time in the hot tub.  We promised the kids that in a few short weeks the outdoor pool would be warm enough for play.

This year Memorial Day Weekend is starting off cold. Last year we were at the pool the whole time over the weekend.  Tonight is Friday.  My kids went to school in shorts but by the time I picked them up it was so cold. I was seeking out copies of Aaron’s 504 plan from the nurse for the new school and I sprung the kids a few minutes early. We had made plans to play basketball in the school yard after school but it was too cold and rainy.  The kids were disappointed. We came home and the boys did exactly what they wanted.  We did not do homework or study. Aaron put puzzles together and Ryan played Minecraft.  Aaron spent a ton of time wiggling his loose tooth.  Then the boys started watching MineCraft videos on You Tube.  Over the last few weeks they have forgotten about all TV and watch Minecraft videos when they are not playing  the game.  We all sat together on a cold foggy night in our PJ’s talking about Minecraft and watching the videos together.  It’s going to be a hard weekend.  I have to work Saturday day, my husband has to work Sunday, and we might all have off on Monday. I hope my kids remember this time like I remember the time with my Dad.

Watching Minecraft videos and wiggling teeth.

Ryan did well getting most of the homework done this week.  He had Tuesday off for Election Day, which helped.  When I was getting ready to leave for work last night I handed my husband one sheet of homework for Ryan to complete.  It was a huge word search on Australia. I asked him to help Ryan with it because a ten word word search could take Ryan upwards of ninety minutes to complete and this was about twenty to twenty five words. My husband was managing a work emergency as I walked out and I could tell he only half listened to my request.  The word search was where I left it on the table incomplete as I got in from work at 3am.  As I went to bed I nudged my husband, you forgot the homework.  He apologized and went back to sleep.

I don’t think we have sat in the same room as a family for almost two weeks.  It has been a scenario of one parent dashing in with the other dashing out or herding kids off to school.  At breakfast my husband grabbed the word search and we all gathered around.  Aaron sat on my husband’s lap.  Ryan leaned against me. Then together as a family we finished the word search.  Aaron would find a word and squeal, then Ryan would find some, maybe even Mom and Dad found a few.  We finished the puzzle quickly and the kids were happy and sweet.  It was so nice to have a lovely family moment around of a piece of homework that had the potential to bring angst and stress.  No, Ryan did not complete his homework on his own but I think the lesson he learned as his family gathered and worked together to help him was more valuable than finding the word vegamite in a jumble of letters.

I have mentioned my husband is working on a huge project at work which has left me doing 100% of the childcare in my house for almost two weeks.  He has not been here and awake when the kids are except possibly in passing.  The project is almost over but he still may have to work this weekend. Most nights he does not get home till ten or eleven o’clock and a couple times it was after midnight. I feel for him. He looks awful and he is tired.  The kids get in his presence and want all of his attention positive or negative and me… I need out.  I need to get out of the house. I need to go to work.  Last night as I was on a Google hangout with my rock star blogger friends I realized they were the first people who wanted to talk to me as a person not as a parent, since I was at work last week.  That is not ok.

Tonight he has to come home!  The kids will get the Dad time they need and I will get out of the freaking house.  My poor customers are going to have me all up in their faces with me asking, tell me what is going on in the world. Tell me a baudy joke or curse or something!!

Today Aaron had a field trip with the school.  I adore the first grade teacher, she is amazing, and we have forged a friendship the years my kids have been in her class. She asks often about Ryan and I told her the new level of hell he is experiencing at the hands of bullies.  She shook her head and sighed.  I then said, don’t worry I have a few plans to get him out of this school.

Aaron decided not to go back to school after the trip.  It was nice to spend time with him and do things we used to do together when he was a little guy like pick up trash on our way to get Ryan at school. I digress.

As Aaron and I got to the house there were two letters in the mailbox addressed to me.  They were exactly the same letter. Curious.

They were acceptance letters for both boys to attend Education Plus Academy Charter.  It is an interesting concept for a school.  It is a cyber charter with an education center. Each class has ten to thirteen students but each student has an individual education plan, learning disabled or not. Read here about the school model. Each students receives a laptop and the learning is computer based. Here is the typical day of a student. I love that if Ryan is struggling he will receive one to one tutoring in the afternoon.  Hold on to your hats people, as long as the assignments for the week are done there is NO HOMEWORK.  Yes, you read that right. They were accepted into the leaning center that shares a campus with The Center School.  It was the people of the Center School who recommended I look into Education Plus. They were very excited to have such a quality program sharing their campus and they knew the $25,000 tuition was out of our price range.  I actually called the Center School to get the number of Education Plus and they were very excited we were considering this alternative for our kids.

I feel like I have won the lottery. I have been jumping up and down all day inside and out.  The thought of Ryan having a recess at every transition excites me.  Having so few kids in a class excites me.  The resources for Ryan like OT and speech in school blow me away. The thought of Aaron being able to move ahead in his work is amazing since he earns all A’s now they will find a way for him to be challenged.  For once Ryan won’t be seen as being a moral failure but as a learning disabled person who might need some TLC to get through school not punishment.  The only downside is the commute but that will be about twenty minutes each way. I don’t care.  If this is a better placement for both kids then it will be worth every mile I have to drive.  We may not have to give up our idea of urban living, our lovely neighborhood, and our support people who live nearby, which just makes me so happy.

It made me infinitely sad to hear Ryan say, Mom with three recesses a day I have a ton of things to lose if I get in trouble. I smiled and said, I don’t think you will lose recess at that school.  His mind was blown.