There is one job I just hate in this house. It is changing Baby A’s clothes from season to season. I had Wildman’s done in late September but Baby A had to wait till today poor child. He has been wearing clothes out of boxes for weeks. My dread in changing is drawers over for the season started when Baby A arrived home from the hospital. Baby A was “supposed” to be a girl. I had some complications during the pregnancy and had something like 7 ultrasounds. Everyone told me the baby was a girl. I had that room all decked out in pink and the drawers were full of pink little clothes. Well when Baby A was born he was not a girl in any sense of the imagination. I was thrilled to have had a healthy baby but it took a few weeks to wrap my head around the fact I was never to have a girl child. It was hard to pack up all of the girl things and get out all of Wildman’s baby stuff. I saved all the nice girl baby stuff and passed it all on to Cecily when Tori was born. That helped to pass it on to someone I cared for. I mourn the idea of never having a daughter every season.
Now I am also mourning the fact that we soon will not have a baby in the house. Both my husband and I are mourning this one. Every season Baby A’s clothes get bigger. He gets further and further from being a baby. So to deny this fact I procrastinate putting the clothes in the drawers. I swear if it were not for my husband having to work the next few weekends and taking the boys off to play today it would of been Christmas before I got around to getting the shorts out of the drawers. It was hard. I hope by next summer he is potty training so all the one piece shorts rompers got put away for the last time. I will never have a kid wear one of those again. It made me really sad.
I know all this is so petty and silly. Some people mourn never being able to have a family or loosing a child. I am mourning that my child bearing years were over in so short a time and our family building years were over in a heartbeat. I love the boys being close in age. They really love to play together. They are into the same things and when there is no one at a playground they can make fun wherever they go together but WOW it seems I fell asleep in late 2002 and woke up this week. Time went so fast.