Dear Ryan,

Today is chilly and rainy, nothing like the day you were born.  You were born on the very last day of a long and hot summer, actually one of the hottest on record.  I remember it was still in the middle 80′s that late summer afternoon that you arrived.  You have grown incredibly this year.  Regularly, when people ask how old you are, they are shocked to hear you are only just turning 8 years old because you are so tall.  I have a feeling that you are going to be tall like your Dad’s family. This morning as I dropped you off at school, I helped you carry your cupcakes and juice to class.  A new student in your class came up to me and said, “Are you Ryan’s Mother?”  I told her I was, and she said, “I am so happy to meet you, Ryan is a great person, he is very special to me.”  I thanked her, and told her that you were also very special to me.

You have had a very hard year little one.  I wish I could of protected you from everything that happened this year to you medically and in school but I could not.  Right now you are finally off the crazy inducing epilepsy medicines.  It has been about a month and you have not had a seizure.  Everyday I wake up and hope today is a day that you stay seizure free.  The epilepsy medicines tend to ramp up your ADHD and they changed you in profound ways.  You lost so much of who you were when you were on them.  The day you stopped the medicine was a great day in our family.  You had a hospital stay this year and endless appointments for evaluations.  After a while this summer you were just over it all and you insisted that we take a day and go to the beach.  You still talk about the day, the earthquake, the amusement park, and the restaurant for dinner, I know it was the highlight of your summer. It was great to see you so happy.

You are still swimming.  We are now on break between the winter and summer season.  You had an amazing start to your summer season but it all fell apart after you were in the hospital and they tried a medicine change.  You had fun and that is what matters.  The coach was very young this summer so I helped to keep you on task by swimming in the empty lane next to yours.  You loved that I did swim team with you and I helped you keep from fighting with Aaron.  I know you look forward to the winter team.  We have to work on getting your homework done in a timely manner so that we can swim.

You and Aaron have a love/hate relationship these days.  You are still very close but your fighting has ramped up.  When you are overwhelmed by too much stimuli, or are acting out you tend to make it all Aaron’s fault.  I know Aaron can be annoying with his incessant baby talk chatter of late.  We still have to be kind to him and you have to take responsibility for your own actions.  I promise, it will pay off in the long run. Yes, I will admit to you here the baby talk is enough to send me over the edge most days too.

Your first tests at school went well.  You received a 100% on your math and spelling tests but a 15% on your reading comprehension.  I know that reading comprehension and writing are so hard for you and you are struggling.  Your Dad and I are committed to doing everything in our power to get you the help you deserve while helping you celebrate your strengths.  We are your biggest cheerleaders Ryan, and we fight for you and your issues with everything we have.

Lately, you have become obsessed with tools.  Even when you are not using your tools you carry them around with you.  You regularly can be found looking at books in your room holding a screwdriver, which I find delightful.  You want blue prints and to build things. I have been trying to find you safe broken electronics to take apart and I keep my eyes out for scrap wood for you.  I love to hear your ideas about building, blue prints, and the limitless possibilities tools hold for you.

I hope 8 years old is a glorious time for you my little elfy looking redhead.  You are a unique cool kid and I am very proud to be your Mom.  May this be your best and healthiest year yet.

Love your Mom.

Both boys are in the same school this year.  Ryan just entered 2nd grade and Aaron is a kindergartener.  Ryan was great with going back to school but Aaron was nervous.  He was up at night for weeks wondering if the kids in his class would make fun of his food allergies and would he like the full day of school. I have been having endless meetings about both boys.  I entered the school yesterday to hand the nurse some benadryl and left 2.5 hours later.  Lets start with Ryan shall we?

This year they decided to have three second grades because of the huge number of kids.  The principal in her wisdom put all of the kids not making adequate progress or who have IEP’s in the same class.  At the same time a school closed in North Philly and many of their kids are bussed to our school now.  Happens to be that many of those 2nd graders have IEP’s or are not making adequate progress.  Ryan knows only 2 kids in his class.  The rest are not from our neighborhood.  I am livid.  Why should he be banned to a classroom full of issues when he thrived in a typical class.  He misses his friends who are our neighbors and is very unhappy with school.  I am waiting for back to school night.  I can see Ryan’s teacher is amazingly organized and is quick to respond to my emails.  She seems great but I am worried about the rest of the class. After meeting with Ryan’s behavioral health advocate, my husband and I decided to attend back to school night next week and listen to Ryan before making any final decisions on the matter. We are not happy.  We signed up for the neighborhood school experience.  A few years back they stopped busing to the school but now with the budget cuts busing is back.

I was very proactive in talking to the school about Aaron’s food allergies.  Setting up a plan with the principal and the nurse before school ended in June.  We decided that Aaron would eat with the other kids, but since there was no food allergy policy in any Philadelphia schools, we would push a desk up next to the lunch table so that Aaron would have a safe place to eat.  His classroom is not peanut free but I wrote an introductory letter to the other parents about talking to their kids so they can help Aaron to stay safe.  After school yesterday, I heard that the lunch ladies don’t want Aaron in the lunchroom!  They have gone to their union to protest his presence in the lunchroom with the other kids because he has so many allergies. I was dumbfounded.  I am not sure what is going to happen here but I will do everything I can to keep Aaron in the lunchroom.

I am unsure what to do about any of the above.  I have been shuffling through my days with the weight of all of it, not sure where to turn.

I am feeling inspired by Cecily’s interview to blog daily again.  Well, as much as I can.  Things have changed since I blogged daily.  My husband works more hours than ever, I now have a job part time working from home (thanks to Cecily), in addition to bartending.

I come here today to discuss 6 year old  behavior.  Aaron is just turned 6 and he is going off to kindergarten this year.  We had quite a few factors that help us make our decision to hold him back.  When Aaron was to go off to kindergarten he was not academically ready for school, he still had a poor writing grip and he could not write all the letters.  He was no where near to reading.  He and Ryan are 21 months apart but would have been one year apart in school.  I can now say Aaron is ready.  His writing grip is great, he knows how to write  his letters, is starting to read, and with two years between them in school they have more individuality.  As school approaches Aaron’s behavior has fallen apart.  It is as if the Ryan of epilepsy meds has body shifted to Aaron.  He screeches all the time, he jumps about all the time, he annoys anyone not paying total attention to him. As I type this he is making high pitched monkey noises.   Aaron does not have ADHD.  He can finish a project, do his homework independently, he can focus, although he is active.  He is a fine line of independently yelling I can do it myself, bossing others around, constantly fighting for his own way, and needing almost constant hugs.  It’s maddening to say the least. I have never had a neurotypical kid so I am never sure what to expect. Is this normal 6yo behavior?  Is this just the behavior of a kid surrounded by change?  Whatever it is, I hope it goes away quickly.