Punky Mama

Today I had a meeting with people who energize me.  Afterwards I was walking through trendy Manayunk, which is something I have done less than ten times in eight years.  As I pounded down the street I was stopped by a small guy with a microphone and a very large man with a camera.  Those two must get some interesting camera angles, I thought as I spied them. They were with a small local TV station that has 10 o’clock news.  The small guy approached and asked if he can interview me.  I agreed.  For Valentine’s Day he wanted to know what I thought made a relationship stand through time. I was taken aback and at first I thought, what the fuck, I have no clue.  Then out my mouth rolled, you have to be with your best friend, you have to know how to work as part of a team, and it’s not always about you.  Then he asked what was the worst Valentines Day story I ever heard of.  I thought twice about telling him about a time in my early 20′s when I decided to do a certain drug before meeting a very straight boyfriend for dinner and I threw up about five times during the meal. That relationship didn’t last long.  Instead I said, guys never buy your woman a vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day.

Yuck, Valentines Day.  I hated it single and I still hate it married.  So, what do you all think makes a relationship stand through time?

The school where the kids go does not have any art programs.  Yeah, you read that right.  It baffles me.  Second graders at seven and eight do work all day because they have to be ready for the standardized tests.  I know.  Homeschool.  I wish I had a second parent around enough to make this an option but the thought of homeschooling a kid with behavior issues alone scares me.

Ryan was given an art project as an assignment.  He was to make a Valentine’s Day Mailbox.  He was to take a shoebox and he could decorate it anyway he wanted.  The teacher mentioned we could use 2D or 3D decorations.  I am so not crafty Mom.  I am just not so good at that kind of thing.  We finished our many hours of weekend homework a day early so we decided as a family to do the project in case over the next few weekends homework is more intense than it was this week.

Ryan and I went to the store to get supplies.  We got construction paper, and glue, and tissue paper, and gum.  The gum was just for chewing.

We arrived home and all four of us as a family started talking to Ryan about what he was going to do.  Dad covered the box and top with foil, Mom helped draw hearts to cut out, we watched You Tube video’s on making paper flowers.  Ryan got out cotton because he wanted snow on his box.  I have to say it didn’t come out half bad.

Then Aaron got in the act and he made me the best Valentine ever.

Really we had a ton of fun just making something together.  That is priceless.  Crafty can be kinda fun, I guess.

Nothing happened.  Yep, you read it right…nothing. We are right now exactly where we were yesterday.

Ryan’s team assembled.  Dr S. psychologist, KC his in school therapist, J who performed the functional behavioral analysis and is seeing Ryan twice a week, M Ryan’s case manager, along with Ryan and I sat down.  We are being denied TSS by the grand poobah, Community Behavioral Health.  I think the CBH people wish I would shut up and go away, but after investing over a year pursuing this, I am here to fight.  The Dr is putting together a new report with Ryan’s recent behavior charts from school, letters from his first and second grade teachers, the results of the functional behavioral analysis, the results from the autism tests they have given the teacher and myself to fill out repeatedly, and the fact that CHOP is going to evaluate us in April for a PDD diagnosis.  We have repeatedly said in the mountains of paperwork that Ryan is not a candidate for ADHD medication right now because he is off epilepsy meds and the ADHD meds lower the seizure threshold. The consensus in the room is that Ryan needs TSS.  She is a strong advocate for Ryan and feels he is a candidate for TSS.  She wants to do everything she can to help us get what we need for him. If they come back with another no the team is going to help me file an appeal.

Last night as I was full of anxiety about the issue, my husband said the best thing he could say to me.  He said, “We fought this hard for all these years, this is just another hoop to jump through although it has been the biggest to date.  You walk in and if they deny him, we put on the fighting gloves, and keep making the phone calls and filling out forms till we get the help Ryan needs. Till then he is not in danger and we do the best we can.”  I knew I married him for a reason.

I am trying really hard not to give in to the frustration and give up hope.

Today as I picked Aaron up from school the kindergarten teacher told me that Aaron brought home new books today from the green box, and no longer picks from double yellow box.  He is reading ahead of grade level and now is where he should at the end of kindergarten.  Of course, I was incredibly proud, the kid loves to read, and has voluntarily has read ten books in a night on many occasions.  I am not used to teachers telling me that my kid is doing so well and her news took me aback.  I processed it a little as I walked away and I felt choked up.  Part of it was pride. Part of it was mourning what I missed.  All the books Aaron has brought home to date, Ryan read.  Aaron is where Ryan was in the middle of first grade.  I think back to just how hard school has been for Ryan and I feel robbed for him.  Aaron has so much less to battle in the school department and his ability shines through.  Homework with Aaron is almost never hard or trying.

I’m worried.  I read posts like this and I relate to it more than I wish I did.  I never want Aaron to feel like he gets less of me because he is neurotypical but at times that’s hard.  We  spend as much as 18 t0 20 hours a week doing homework with Ryan.  Most of that time is on the weekend. When Ryan is studying or doing more homework during the week Aaron usually has his homework done in minutes. I sit Aaron next to me with an activity book or scissors and paper.  I try to regularly stop, caress his arm, and thank him for letting us get Ryan’s work done.  On the weekend sometime I leave Ryan home with my husband to complete the homework and Aaron and I go off together alone.  If I stay with Ryan to study, my husband does something with Aaron.  Even though I try I worry.  The expectations for Aaron are different.  He at 6 has more self control that Ryan has at 8 1/2.  Aaron is way more interested in helping with family life.  I just hope he knows I am doing my best for him with the space and time I have.  I never want him to feel ignored.

I have been doing a myriad of projects in my new work from home job.  I find it fascinating that I get to work for Psychics and Real Estate Software providers in the same day.  Many of my projects come from Hollywood Psychics.  I am not someone who is a believer in such things and I have to say while working, I have rolled my eyes more than once while reading blogs about astrology, tarot, and psychics.  I do know that many of the bloggers I read think that the online or telephone psychics are “fake” and not credentialed.

I placed a call to get my tarot reading.  I was given the choice to listen to an introduction of each psychic available.  I found myself hitting next, next, next.  One seemed too out there for me to be comfortable, the next too weird, the next even more out there.  Then I heard Sedona.  I instantly liked her voice.  She seemed straightforward and to the point.  I picked her.  I am so glad I did.

She had a great way about her on the phone.  You could tell she loved people and their stories. She asked my birth date and did a combination of astrology reading and tarot cards.  Her first words were about Uranus in the 4th house, whatever that means.  She said I was going through a grand reinvention of my entire life especially I was changing the way I made money.  She was 100% right about that.   Pluto was supposed to be propelling me to have fresh ideas and I was breaking down things and building them anew.  She mentioned to me that I should not let people influence me on my new venture and that I  shouldn’t let lack of support or competition slow me down because I had unique skills to offer.    Then she told me that a male was going to enter my life as a mentor.  He had valuable information for me and that I would not want to listen to him because he suffered great personal lost, but I should listen anyway.

She said in my house of family I sometimes had an excess of what I could handle, to which I replied yeah, tell me what I don’t know.  I had a child that is fighting, who is afraid to be vulnerable and to continue to do what you are doing for him.  I would have to help him to express his emotions deeper than the surface.  She said when dealing with him I should work at understand his emotions, not his words, and then recommended I read a book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay.  She mentioned she thought that there was a time of great change around this kid a few years ago, and that there should be a leveling off in his issues.  She said she felt I had a tremendous love for my kids.

She thought I felt an extra drive and push to weed people out of my life right now and that I was learning to say, no and I should bring healthy minded people into my life. So doesn’t everyone donthat all the time? She mentioned that in the spring I might have a chance to get away with my husband and I should go.  That I found interesting because we are planning to get away, overnight, without the kids.  Need I say more.

We then chatted for a minute about why I chose her and we discussed that New Yorkers can pick each other out even if we have been transplanted.

I have to say I was nicely surprised by my reading.  She didn’t tell me anything I did not know about my life but I have to say I felt cheered on to continue doing what I have started.  It was an experience I didn’t expect.  It was not hokey or weird in the least, nor did I feel scammed.

Would I pay my own money to have a psychic reading? Probably not, but if I were going to I would pick Sedona again.