Today as I picked Aaron up from school the kindergarten teacher told me that Aaron brought home new books today from the green box, and no longer picks from double yellow box. He is reading ahead of grade level and now is where he should at the end of kindergarten. Of course, I was incredibly proud, the kid loves to read, and has voluntarily has read ten books in a night on many occasions. I am not used to teachers telling me that my kid is doing so well and her news took me aback. I processed it a little as I walked away and I felt choked up. Part of it was pride. Part of it was mourning what I missed. All the books Aaron has brought home to date, Ryan read. Aaron is where Ryan was in the middle of first grade. I think back to just how hard school has been for Ryan and I feel robbed for him. Aaron has so much less to battle in the school department and his ability shines through. Homework with Aaron is almost never hard or trying.
I’m worried. I read posts like this and I relate to it more than I wish I did. I never want Aaron to feel like he gets less of me because he is neurotypical but at times that’s hard. We spend as much as 18 t0 20 hours a week doing homework with Ryan. Most of that time is on the weekend. When Ryan is studying or doing more homework during the week Aaron usually has his homework done in minutes. I sit Aaron next to me with an activity book or scissors and paper. I try to regularly stop, caress his arm, and thank him for letting us get Ryan’s work done. On the weekend sometime I leave Ryan home with my husband to complete the homework and Aaron and I go off together alone. If I stay with Ryan to study, my husband does something with Aaron. Even though I try I worry. The expectations for Aaron are different. He at 6 has more self control that Ryan has at 8 1/2. Aaron is way more interested in helping with family life. I just hope he knows I am doing my best for him with the space and time I have. I never want him to feel ignored.
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