This is the piece I am going to read at Listen to Your Mother Philly.  I am reading with the best writers the Philly region has to offer and I am feeling totally intimidated!

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I spent most of the 90′s shouting angry ditties and expletives at audiences coast to coast.  It was an amazing way to resolve the anger of an abusive childhood.  Nothing like people screaming, yelling, clapping, and sometimes moshing to give a girl a little validation.

That was the fun part of the band.  The side no one got to see was the hours and hours of hard work spent making endless phone calls, sending out mailings of CD’s and press kits, booking tours, and helping the small label we were signed to promote our records.  Three quarters of the band helped with these tasks but I let band management become my full time job, because I felt this was my only chance to be a rock star.  Being in a band was my dream. We had a ton against us.  There were few bands with women as lead singers in hardcore bands in 1992.  I have been on many tours where I was the only woman, crew included.

After ten years of being on the road I had the rock and roll dream, and then I married the hot, long haired guitarist from my band. We bought a house, I finished my science degree, and he pursued his dream in IT.  We chased after some traditional jobs and had some babies. I got my version of happily ever after.

Both of our wild redheaded boys have some special needs.  My older son has ADHD, learning disabilities, suspected Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and various behavior disorders.  Suffice to say, that kid has a really strong inner punk rocker.  My younger son has a list of life threatening food allergies.  I remember when both were first being diagnosed.  More than one person told me that I had no right to feel bad because they didn’t have cancer.  If I were not as in touch with my anger and knowing how to diffuse it, I might have strangled them barehanded.  Instead I took that anger and all of the diagnoses and I have fought as hard as I could with everything I have, just like I did with the band.

There is a city agency that doesn’t want to give my older son the services he needs in school.  I have fought, made calls, and followed up. I called other agencies and asked questions.  It’s not that much different than when the hip club has turned you down for a show in the vast Midwest so you called the indie record stores, and asked who did  all age shows so that you didn’t get left off in Nebraska with three days off.

When my younger son, was diagnosed with his food allergies he continued to vomit and be covered in eczema.  I went to an allergist who told me that my son’s skin was a topical reaction not a food allergy and he must have GERD.  I used my best punk rock voice and told her to skin test him for everything he ate.  The doctor tried to get me to back down with the argument that allergy testing is painful, why would I do that to my child. I said in my meanest voice, the painful testing would get us some answers.  We tested him and he came up allergic to two foods that are very rarely allergens.  We got the foods out of his diet and my son has never had eczema again and the frequent vomiting stopped. Putting a young child through that testing was worth it, and she lost my son as a patient that day.

I rarely miss appointments and evaluations thanks to the organization forced upon me by the band.  I have reached out online to the vast number of parents sharing parts of my experience.  I read their blogs and gain knowledge on what is appropriate for the school to do in regards to IEP meetings and 504 plans.  The bloggers discuss new treatments and theories.  My online community supports me when I am not sure I can go on or we have a victory. There was almost no online community when I was in the band but I imagine it would have been as supportive as the special needs community. The touring band community shared shows and gave each other a place to sleep and do laundry on days off.  It was different support but the relationships then were as important as my online relationships are now.

When I was in the band I knew what city I was traveling to each day but I never knew where I was sleeping.  Since the kids have arrived I know where I am sleeping but never know where I am going to wind up.