Scene 1 – After sleeping for less than four hours I found myself with Aaron at the produce market in Germantown because heck the $40 I spent on produce last week  did not last swimming boys a full week.  As I was picking out watermelon, I got a phone call from a metal band from Cleveland.  They heard I was “the person” to talk to about touring.  Um, I haven’t been on tour since 1999. Heck, I have not been to a show since I played in February 2011. Of course, I will help them as much as I can.

Scene 2 – I arrive home from the errands that I wanted finished TODAY.  My reasoning is if I am going to feel this crappy I am going to get all the painful chores out of the way so that from now till Thursday we are going to have fun (and go to endless swim meets and practice), goddammit because we are on staycation.  I get in with 4 tons of groceries and the house is 85 degrees.  I try all my tricks that I know to get the central AC running.  Nothing worked.  My sleep deprived addled brain repeated the word fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.  I start calling plumbers.  The guy who fixed the AC last time it went out for super cheap was on vacation.  He sent me to another local dude who I called.  A few minutes later I hear Aaron say to Ryan WOAH dude best prank ever.  I decided to investigate.  It seems that Ryan tripped the AC emergency switch in the basement for fun.  Oh, that is so funny, ummmm not.  I quickly called the plumber who was halfway here to cancel his visit.  Boy, that guy was pissed.  Ryan lost outside alone time for this evening and will tomorrow write an apology to the plumber.

I am ready to sit on my deck and have a beer.  I deserve it.

I am loving summer and Saturday through Wednesday can last for at least 20 weeks if you ask me.  Thursday and Friday are just that much harder.  I spend all day trying to sleep here and there I got a chunk while the kids were at the sitters, a chunk during the first movie we watched, and yes, mother of the year over here, let them watch a second movie.  We have been so busy all week my usually will not sit still kids are happy with movie day which is so wonderful since I never had a kid sitting on my head whining, “Mom I’m bored, lets go swimming”  Either that or my movie choices were that superb that young active boys were transfixed to the movies.  For that I am thankful.

Off to hellnight then a nice weekend at home.  Pinch me, weekends off.

I look at the calendar and I see that this very intense season of swim team with it’s daily practices, (some days have practices and meets) and two meets a week, swim lessons, and tennis lessons will over by the end of July.  (Insert noise of a car coming screeching halt)

Oh shit.  Now what do we do.

We are still going to be homeschooling but my kids don’t do well when they are not super busy. We are going to have behavioral therapy, PT, and OT just like we do now.  We have the pool although they tend to grow weary of it by August although we have only been here to play a few times and Aaron is begging just to play at the pool.  We have the Please Touch, Zoo, and Franklin Institute Memberships.  The beach is 1.5 hours away.  My friend P and I are going to do a child swap.  Her son and Ryan want to ride their bikes to Center City and back with me.  Aaron has always loved this friend, having spent many a summer day helping her cut things and just hanging out. They will still be going to the sitter on Friday and to the park with their friends.

Still all of this is not enough.  When they have less to do they fight more, get into dangerous things like running around with scissors, or playing with the bar b que lighter while I am in the bathroom.  I would love to find some low cost programs for them to attend in August but it seems all of those happen in July.  Now their days are so full they eat like crazy and have started sleeping in for the first time in their LIVES! This morning I was dragging them out of bed at 8am SCORE! As my nephew says a good day for a kid is when you are putting them to bed they are whining “I am not tired”, and you hear nothing after they hit the bed.

I need ideas to make days like that happen all the way through August.

I’d forgotten how all consuming full time parenting is.  Although we have activities when the boys don’t require my input, I am in charge pretty much 24/7 until I got to work on Thursday evening.  In some ways it is good.  I know what my kids do everyday.  I am not left guessing what happens to them at school and I know their lives are pretty happy. In some ways it is bad.  In tending to others needs I tend to loose myself.  It is easy to become complacent and not take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally because at the end of the day of care taking the time for yourself seems like too much effort.

When my husband gets home at the end of the day I truly have nothing to say, because nothing has really happened to me most of the day. I helped to make things happen for others, I feed, discipline, teach,  get the kids were they need to go, support, care, and cheer on.  My working from home has slowed up because I am waiting on a big project to start but until then I am in a work holding pattern.  I am getting back to exercising today when the kids are off at tennis. Every night I have been collapsing into bed falling asleep quickly because the day starts early. Beyond that it’s all I can do to wait for Thursday night when I get to go to work and drive in the car alone.

Don’t get me wrong I am enjoying every single second of the boys being home.  I am a person who thrives with balance and I feel the almost constant demands of the boys do not create balance for me.  It is hard to for me to get the chance to step out of the Mommy bubble when the kids go to bed.  It takes a minute to get there and by then I usually am passed out.  It are these reasons I fear homeschooling. Never being able to step out of the bubble wouldn’t be good for me.  For me to be a good parents I need sometime in my life that is not about the kids.  I need to go do things that have nothing to do with our special needs, swim team, education, or cooking.  I need to have time to be myself.  If not I become a shell.