On Friday, as I was going off to work I got a phone call from the new Dean at the school. Ryan was, of course, in trouble. I saw it coming. He is having a hard time being in the school yard and lining up. For Ryan it is a two fold issue of a transition which is always tough for him and the chaos of the school yard sets him off and he has trouble regulating himself. This is not a new problem. Last year he was worse at pick up and Ryan would wind up kicking either Aaron or I. The school decided to lock a gate to the teachers parking lot so we had to walk the full way around the school to head home. We had to walk through three zones of chaos and eventually I wound up picking up Ryan in his classroom when the bus kids were called. It worked wonders.
I noticed that Ryan was having trouble when lining up in the morning. He was picking up the other kids and being way too hands on for most peoples comfort. I got him to the rear of the line. It helped some but I am dealing with an almost tween wanting to be cool who is neuro atypical. Not an easy place to be for him.
When the dean called I filled him in on all of Ryan’s diagnosis and his history with crowds and the school yard. He and I decided that Ryan would serve one lunch detention for hurting his classmate. I told the dean I didn’t want Ryan serving endless lunch detentions. That was part of last year and I thought we were setting him up for failure in the afternoon. He agreed. He said that he would serve this detention and he personally would make sure to keep Ryan with him after lunch and the return to the classroom. He thanked me for filling him in on Ryan’s issues and he wanted to help him to be successful. From last year this was a big change but c’mon does anyone read IEP’s. I texted the BSC and he is aware of what is going on and he is going to visit the Dean when he is at the school next.
I want Ryan to be accountable so I will have him serve his detention but for the first time I am seeing flexibility from the school. I felt by the end of the conversation I had the attention of the dean and together we are going to help Ryan succeed although he is accountable for his negative actions.
What do other parents do in this situation? Am I being too flexible? I want him to be accountable but I want to help him be successful. Such a hard place to be.