He eventually ate more but it was hard to keep weight on Aaron.  He was always a slight thing with ribs sticking out.  When you picked him up he seemed to weigh nothing.  He continued to be super picky about food. Sticking to what he knew he liked and was safe. Even last summer after summer swim season he lost 7lbs and we wound up at a sports nutritionist, who scratched her head and said, I never had a food allergic swimmer before.

Suddenly, this winter Aaron discovered food. If I assure him it is allergen free he will try it!  That is huge! He started eating more fish and stuff like peach salsa.  If I can get him to taste one bite he winds up filling his plate.  I knew he was heavier when I picked him up and he had weight to him.  I really noticed it when we started this swim season.  He is thin but he does not have ribs sticking out.  All his old bathing suits don’t fit and I had to loosen all the elastic tighteners on his pants quite a bit.  He has a tiny little belly. Even the other swim team parents commented on how much he filled out. He has also grown so much this year he is now one of the tallest kids in the class. When he tries to sit on my lap he squishes me and I can’t have him sit on me for long. I know when we get to the doctor his height and weight will be proportionate.  I am just so excited and may stop by the pediatrician soon just to do a weight check.

Could it be?  Can I after almost 8 years be crossing Aaron’s weight off my worry list?  Could it be he is willing to be a little adventurous with his food within his limitation?  I just never thought we would see this day and it makes me happier than you can imagine.

I think if one more person tells me to, “look on the bright side” or “keep my chin up in front of the children”, I might go crazy.  It makes me want to further jump from the ledge. I have never ever ever hid how I feel about the school from my kids. I don’t harp on it but I worked at teaching Ryan to advocate for himself when they would not honor his IEP.  I do the same for Aaron.  Aaron knows ALL of his allergens and can list them for whomever needs to know. For him not to be comfortable in his disability can be deadly.  Why is it that with Ryan’s developmental issues other parents talk in hushed tones?  Ryan knows EXACTLY what his issues are.  He knows that the school does not honor his IEP.  He knows I am angry about it.

There is no bright side to this school year except maybe the fact I never have to deal with the school again.  I am angry.  I feel like I did in the Thorazine years.  I am angry and I am going to express it. I don’t care if it makes you uncomfortable because feeling the anger through is going to make it better for me. Sugar coating and bucking up for the kids is going to be crazy and prolong the whole process.  I know it is not “Momlike” to be angry but heck I had anger before the kids were born.  I was known to scream in front of people in the name of music. Why must I be different now that I have kids?  I am still that person and pieces of that fearless person onstage gets me through my everyday struggles.

I could do what others are urging me to do.  I could take the rage, sweep it under a rug, and let it fester.  Then I can be like everyone else. I would then fall to a dark place and and fall apart.  If I feel what I am feeling, I can get through it and move on.  Oh but I must protect my kids from feelings.  WHY.  They know good feelings and bad feelings. They are people. I don’t burden them telling them to make me feel better.  Why is it not ok to be angry at a terrible situation?  Why am I a better person for looking on the bright side?  To me looking at the reality of a situation is much more healthy but so many around me are telling me differently.

My Mom always denied me the right to be angry from the time I was a kid. I always promised myself no one would deny me that right again.  Now I have my peers trying to deny the same feeling and for me it just makes it so much worse. What am I missing?

After fighting last week over the math grade and fighting earlier in the month to change Ryan’s classroom at the last minute, I think I can coast out the last four days of school. Well, I am hoping.

Ryan and I were in the grocery store Saturday and ran into his new homeroom teacher. She hugged him tight and introduced him to her elderly mother. During that conversation she told me that they would not be switching classes this week and there was to be no more homework.  Ryan and I celebrated all the way home hearing the news.  They are going to have tons of fun activities this week.  His class were reading buddies to the kindergarteners, well Ryan wasn’t, but he gets to be included in the mini fun fair they are having tomorrow.  The teacher has been doing fun art projects, and they are going to have a read outside day this week.  I love that she is not a teacher who parks the kids in front of a movie but makes the last week super fun.  Wednesday is the first swim meet so I am taking them out of school early to attend the meet because right now swimming is important and school is bleeding into our summer.  On Thursday morning I will let them sleep in because the meet will be over late and hey, like I said school is messing with our summer. Tomorrow I am going to pick the boys up from school with dinner packed and we are going to head right to the pool from school, so they can play for two hours before swim practice. I know this is going to make them so happy.

It was nice to hear from Ryan’s teacher that he had a GREAT day and he bounded out of school with a flash of red hair and a smile on his face.  It should have been that way all year.

Four days and I will never have to deal with these people again.  I hope next year I can look back at this school year as a huge nightmare that ended and could only be remembered in bits and pieces.

I wanted to send you a Father’s Day card but you are not biologically my father and I couldn’t find a card that expressed my feelings.  Instead I decided to turn my thoughts into a blog post. You read my blog most days and comment here and there.  I value your encouragement and thoughts on raising my sons and the management of my life. You have insight and wisdom that I respect.

I met you when I was a teenager. Your daughter and I became fast friends while sitting in homeroom together. I just moved to the public school after leaving a catholic high school.  I really didn’t know anyone and it still amazes me that I met my best friend of my teen years the first class, the first day in my new school.  We used to laugh that our last names were one letter different.  We were close and she my fierce ally.  Your house became a safe haven for me.  My parents had me later in life and in the 80′s they were saddled with a 1940′s morality which had us at odds.  They were done parenting by the time I was a teenager and many a time you had sage advice and care for me when I needed it, while my parents were busy pretending to be empty nesters.

I know my tattoos and the band put you off a bit but you always supported me knowing it is what made me happy, although you really didn’t understand.  It’s ok you don’t have to get it but knowing you still cared about me meant the world because in my life my biological parents emotionally have abandoned me over and over again which taught me that being me was never enough.

Through my blog you have gained a glimpse into my daily life. It is a good life, an honest life, filled with love.  You have supported me in so many ways. You have signed petitions limiting peanuts on planes after I explained why it was important for Aaron and so many others. You have sent me kind words while I struggled with Ryan and the rest of the world, reassuring me that I was doing a great job even though there are some days I feel I am not up to the task of parenting a child with so many developmental issues. You have been protective of my family over and over again.  You remind me that you care when you send me articles on this and that. I appreciate it so.

Like a Dad, you have reminded me to say thank you and please. You have shown me that there is a life after kids.  You are a trailblazer having raised two daughters alone way before fathers had a role like that in their children’s lives. You had no role models, you made it up as you went along.  You did an amazing job and your daughters are women who are happy, can support themselves, and have love in their lives.  It is a testament to the job you have done.

Thank you for choosing me.  For choosing to remain part of our lives. I hope this summer Ryan is in a good place so we can travel to see you in South Carolina.  Thank you for being a Father figure in my life.  I hope you have an amazing Father’s Day.

If you lived closer we’d surely have you over for a bar-b-que.

With Love,

Jo-Ann

I have outgoing kids.  They are joiners.  They like to take part in things. Ryan went to after school every Friday in Kindergarten, First Grade, and Second Grade.  He loved it!!  He especially liked the parties at Christmas or the end of the year. Even the beginning of this year he was eager to join choir and attend after school program.  Having been in crisis here and there over the year made these activities hard and Ryan has become very wary of joining anything except swimming because he is afraid he will not be successful. He has been beaten over the head with his deficits daily without being told about his positive attributes.

I am so angry because this school year experience is beating the adventure out of my kid. A curious sense of adventure has driven me most of my life. Adventure is the thing for me that keeps life interesting. A sense of adventure brought me out of my comfort zone over and over again and the experiences I have had and the people I have met will be with me forever.  My husband does not share my sense of adventure but he tapped into my excitement and got in the van or with white knuckles, got on a plane and shared adventures with me in the band and beyond.

I am hoping to provide positive experiences for Ryan to bring his adventure back.  The fearless yet impulsive and empathetic kid who was always up for adventure has to be in there somewhere. Let’s hope I can help him rediscover all that is good about him while helping him work on the parts that are socially unacceptable.  I hope by August I have a kid whose eyes shine when I present him with an adventure we can share instead of the quiet morose kid I have right now.

This week Ryan got to win.

He has struggled with one of his three teachers more than the others. She was his homeroom teacher most of the year. She was uncommunicative, never answering emails or notes sent to her, she allowed Ryan to be horribly bullied, she would not support his IEP, Ryan’s behavioral team reported to the school she punished the class by making them stand for over thirty minutes as she yelled at them, and Ryan was placed in the far back of the class as far away from her as possible, and right next to the pencil sharpener.  It was a place that was completely distracting with kids walking up and reaching over Ryan all day long.

You all know I was able to have his homeroom moved a few weeks ago but he has been failing her class.  I asked her at the last report card conference if I could get the study sheets sent home so I could help Ryan study, she did not.  I asked again mid-quarter and again she did not send anything home.  I asked again at the IEP meeting where we had his homeroom moved and again we received nothing from the teacher.  If I had not checked the online grading system I would have no clue what his grades were.

I then went to the Special Education Liason.  She knew most of the story and she requested Ryan’s portfolio which had a few homework’s, no tests, and two review sheets I wished I would of had at home weeks ago. We both went to the principal and decided since she the teacher did not honor his IEP they were going to give Ryan a Key exam which would tell what he actually knew. We agreed if he failed this test the F would stand.  His F was not a fair F because he was not afforded any of the accommodations his IEP outlines for him.  He would take the test in a quiet room with the Special Ed Liaison.  It was a long test but she provided breaks for him as well.

I received the results of the test yesterday as I was off to the field trip for the third grade. Ryan passed the test with flying colors scoring in the Average range for a third grader in all concepts.  The Special Ed Liaison and I hugged as I cried like someone who won the lottery because I knew in my heart that kid knew the information.   The teacher was bucking the testing and said she would never change the grade and handed the Special Ed person two tests for Ryan to complete.  We took them home and completed both last night easily.  I knew the principal would change the grade but I wanted Ryan to be accountable to those tests.

I woke up this morning and I logged into the online grading system and Ryan’s grade was now a C.  Sometimes, If you fight really hard, people will do the right thing.

Six school days left people, Six more to go.

Tomorrow I go on the field trip with the 3rd grade and I am doing the webcast on Food Allergies.  By Thursday I will be pouncing on my bar customers for a little conversation like a starving man would pounce on food.

Everyday passes like a month.  Eight more days people, eight more days.

Finally, the kids are in bed and quiet. I made a cup of tea and I sat down to write here. My husband who is watching TV on the computer, took off his ear phones and asked, what’s wrong. I said oh, I am thinking about what to write. He laughed and said, yeah if I had a blog I would say boy I had a typical day and I don’t feel like writing about it, everyday.  That would last for a week and my blog would wind up floating around the wasteland that is abandoned websites forever.

Good thing he does not blog.

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So, food allergy peeps! I am going to be taking part in a webcast, which is like a live video broadcast online. I am going to be part of a panel discussing the topic of Keeping Kids with Food Allergies Safe. It is going to be on Wednesday Night at 9:30pm.  If you can’t tune in live it will be available to watch another time. Here is the website for the webcast and here if a Facebook invite for those who want to be invited.  Feel free to spread the word to people interested in food allergies.  I am a little nervous but I think I will watch some of the other video topics to learn more about how this works!  If you are free come check it out on Wednesday night!

I love this time with the kids and I know this part of my life will not last forever, so I cherish the summer but it does not come without planning.  I am going to relish the next two weeks especially if homework is over and I don’t have to fight with Ryan every afternoon.  My list of things to do kid free over the next two weeks.

1.  Go to the eye doctor.  I really need new contacts and glasses.  I think I am ready, big gulp, for bi-focals.

2.  I really want to watch the Alice Donut Movie, Freaks In Love. I love Alice Donut.  A friend of mine dated one of the guys in the band. I spent time with them in the late 80′s and early 90′s here in Philly, New York, and in Europe.  Whenever they played Philly they would stay at the warehouse where I lived.  I will always remember the jam they had one Sunday spring morning with my roommates and neighbors as the drummer played his trombone. I also saw them on a bunch of their dates in Germany in 1990 when they were sharing the bill with my friends Flag Of Democracy.  It will be a fun traipse down memory lane to see the movie.

3.  I want to go to lunch with a friend and luckily someone who I befriended, who used to be part of Ryan’s behavior team a few years back, got in touch to have lunch this week.  She wants to share stories of the hell social services can be.

4.  Take one day and just be lazy because well, I won’t be able to do that for a number of months and really I rarely ever do that.  Well maybe once every June.

5.  Get the oil changed in my car and my husbands.

Oh I am so interesting.

This week was hard. Ryan was very disregulated. The only place he was successful this week was in the pool at swim practice. At least he was successful somewhere.  After the projects we had due this week and test to study for coupled with Ryan’s eyes rolling in his head and him hiding under the table, not much got done.  Last night I gave him some time off school work.

When I finally got up this morning we had our usual Saturday morning family meeting where my husband drinks coffee and we all talk about what we have going on for the weekend.  My husband is going off tomorrow on a motorcycle run, Ryan had homework to finish, the fridge was empty so we needed groceries, and we needed to do some general cleaning. We have our neighbors coming over to a bar-b-que on the deck Sunday afternoon.  My husband helped Ryan with the homework as Aaron and I went off to shop.  With the issues Ryan has been having with school work I figured he would get about half done. On the way out our best neighborhood friends were ringing the doorbell.  I took the kids home and said to them that Ryan has a seven pieces of homework to complete and some school work that he did not finish on Friday.  I told them we all needed to support Ryan by leaving him alone for a while to get his work done. They agreed to stay away from my house.

Ryan was more motivated this morning than I have seen him in a few weeks.  He quietly transitioned to sitting with my husband to get the work done as Aaron and I left. No meltdown, no yelling, no angry defiance. We got all the errands done and stopped at a friends yard sale.

I arrived home to all the homework completed , a clean fridge, and a vacuumed house.  Ryan was motivated to get all the homework done because he wanted to have a free day and he knew his friends were waiting for him, staying away from our house for him to concentrate.  I think he got it together because he had a day off.  Maybe it was a little all of the above.

The boys have three days and all the grades have to be submitted. We are all hoping that there will be no homework after this week.  Hoping is a small word.  We are crossing all our fingers, toes, and all extremities that there will be no homework after this week.

I made an executive decision about summer school.  I home schooled summer school last year and I will be doing it again this year for both boys. To help Ryan get a break, I promised him that I will give him two weeks off in the beginning of the summer after school is done, a week when we go on vacation, and another week before school starts. We are going to swim team, tennis lessons, we will play basketball, hang out at the pool, play with friends, race in the swim meets, and play Minecraft.  Ryan will read himself to sleep like he does every night but I am going to let him get transitioned to summer and get a break before I hoist more school on him.  I want him to get in that sweet place he gets when he is out of school.

I dream of a day when school is less of an issue.  I really hope next year I am blogging about something else not the hell of school. Right now every day feels like a month and we have ten to go.

I picked the boys up from school during a tropical storm.  There is not much wind but wow it is raining very hard.  Even though we had a few umbrellas, we still got VERY wet.  We came in and I headed upstairs to shower and get ready for work. Although we have two full bathrooms, the boys always shower in my bedroom shower. I stepped out of the shower to naked kids lined up.  They both took a shower and dug through their closets to find their winter footie Pj’s because they knew they weren’t going anywhere.  The only thing different is that I have been with them all week and I am going off to work tonight.

I guess some things never change.  I am totally going to sniff their heads before I go to work.

Yesterday I heard about the building collapse from my friend while I was on a google hangout.  Not long after our conversation helicopters were hovering over my house.  I live about five miles from where the building collapsed.  I used to work two blocks from the thrift store that was crushed and often would go shopping at lunch because cheap work clothes are good. I often drive by there on my way home from work. I have not been able to watch the constant footage on TV without a lump in my throat.  The news helicopters jockeying for position taking turns getting footage for news outlets nationwide were a constant yesterday afternoon and late into the night.

My earnest city rarely makes the headlines on CNN for a disaster. Many people got out with cuts and bruises but too many died at the hands of people who did not plan for the demolition properly.  With that the bubble popped.

I am so tired I could pop.  I am finding myself daydreaming of a long long vacation sans kids in a world where this school is over.  I think of indulging in all the adults pleasures. Can you tell it has been a while since I have been away from the kids for more than a day?

The only saving grace right now is swimming. Right now they are having preseason workouts everyday.  The kids run, skip, hop, and jump for thirty minutes before they swim for an hour and a half. That running helps Ryan to focus. His negative behaviors in the pool are nil.  He swims hard and is happy to swim.  I almost don’t mind being at the indoor pool for two hours every night.  Soon enough the practices will move to the outdoor pool but since the temps can drop fast this early in the season, we wind up practicing the same place the winter team practices for a couple of weeks.

Five school days till grades are submitted, twelve till this hell is over.

We came home to work on the project that is due tomorrow.  I think I bought him a little time till Thursday since I emailed the teacher. This was to be a three minute oral presentation. His note cards are as follows.  At first his list were all misspelled but the ideas are all his. I am in awe.

1.  The person who most inspired my life is..

2.  My Mom, Jo-Ann

3.  My Mom loves me.  She is epic, cool, and supporting.  I am thankful for her.

4.  I have learning disabilities and when things are tough she never gives up on me.  School is hard, I would not get through without her.

5.  My Mom inspires me to treat me own children well because she is so good to me.

6.  On top of everything she does for me and my brother she works hard at all of her jobs.  She has two.

7.  My Mom sang for a punk band. She teaches me that women can rock as hard as men.

8.  I always tell my Mom she is “cool mom for kids” because she likes to do fun things with us.  She takes us to Laurel Hill Cemetery.

9.  I am the luckiest kid in the world that she is my Mom.

I am totally saving this till he is a teenager and just cue tears because wow, he is one sweet kid.

I discussed with the head of the learning center about epi pen training and I was excited to hear every teacher walks in trained with an epi pen and they are willing to learn about Ryan’s epilepsy rescue med that they need to have in school.  They have other students with food allergies and seemed sensitive to Aaron’s needs.  Aaron got to meet his teacher and he met four of the boys in his class.  They quickly started playing with each other which was great and they left with a loud, see you in September!!  Ryan’s teacher could not make this orientation but he also wound up meeting some of the boys who would be in his class and he reported that most of the kids he met loved Minecraft.

I got to meet a few parents and I was happy to know they were feeling exactly the way I did. I met a woman who has been fighting with her fancy suburban school district over the same things I was fighting for with Ryan.  That made me happy I did not sell my house and run long ago.  We smiled at each other knowing exactly what the other had been going through over the past number of years.

My first impressions were good ones. They are still working on the building, but it has a ton of potential. The people involved with the school seemed knowledgeable and forthright with the answers to peoples questions. I did not expect to find a school in the burbs that was so diverse but I did and I know that is something I love in a school.  I am hoping this works out and I have my fingers crossed.

I have real hope, which is something I had so little of the last few years.

My husband promised to pay for the damage.  Now what to do with the kids?  My husband was understandably LIVID.  I don’t think I ever saw him so angry.  We decided to take a step back for fifteen minutes. Then we had a family meeting. Since the boys did not lie they loose all technology for just a week, TV included.  If they go to play outside they must be accompanied by a parent, the homework helper, or the babysitter for three weeks and at that time we will reevaluate if we think they can go out with their friends alone. Lastly, we are going to list chores and the amount the chores are worth on a chart and with chores they will pay for this man’s car to be fixed.  They did not loose going to the pool or swim team because they are kids who need to move.

I am shocked by what is happening in my house without technology.  The boys are occupying themselves in grand fashion.  This morning Ryan the early bird got up before all of us as per his usual  When I got up a while later he had eaten breakfast and was paining a picture with water colors quietly. Ryan usually is not a fan of art but suddenly started painting.  Toys and projects long discarded are out and talked about.  It is lovely.  Usually Ryan would be playing Minecraft in the morning.  I love that he is changing his focus and finding other things to do. 

It is making me think about the summer and although I also love to Minecraft I get the obsession it has become for the kids. I am thinking about instituting two days a week as technology free days. I have to use technology to work but I can limit my usage. The kids can do other things like paint or play games and rediscover the things they like beyond the technology when not out at the pool or playing outside.  I am sure they are going to groan and complain but I think they will get used to it and think up things to do those days like they are now.

It was important today to be at school.  We forged relationships in the four years we were there.  Some of these people have gotten me through some dark days.  They have commiserated with me over the bad and help celebrate the good.  They read here and cheer me on. Heck, one who is not the best on the internet took me home and made me breakfast one awful morning.  Those people are going to be who I miss seeing on a daily basis. They will still be my neighbors but I will have to seek them out more directly.

I still found myself infinitely sad that Philly passed the “Doomsday Budget”.   Even though the school around the corner was not for us, I cheer for their success.

I think it is fitting that on Monday night we are going to go to orientation at the new school.  It is a new school.  Everyone is the new kid.  We get to meet the teachers and the other kids.  I am hoping it will warm the boys up to the change.  I am excited about it.

ONWARDS.

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Tonight if you are a twitter lover you can find me talking about bartending on #MartiniChat at 5pm PST – 8pm EST.  It’s like a bar except your don’t have to tip!!