Posts Tagged ‘ADHD

22
Jan
12

Waiting Waiting Waiting

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
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It’s a big week this week.  Finally, we have our last TSS meeting on Friday.  I really didn’t want the meeting to be on a Friday but, of course the universe threw it’s middle finger up at me and said, too bad sleep is for the weak.  I am going into this meeting armed to the teeth with the final few pieces of paper that I thought might help.  Ryan’s teacher wrote a letter explaining how TSS services will help Ryan in the classroom.  Around Christmas his first grade teacher asked me how our quest for TSS services was going.  I told her the whole sordid tale.  She is an amazing person, and she offered to write a letter saying Ryan has been in need of TSS services for two years.  I will go armed with these two letters and Ryan’s latest behavior reports which have been less than stellar.  Before Christmas his behavior had vastly improved but since returning from Christmas break, Ryan has not had one green good behavior day.

By the end of the week we should be more sure about the date on an appointment for Ryan with the developmental pediatricians at CHOP for the suspected PDD diagnosis.  Last time I called them they reassured me that we would be hearing soon, so I went back to doing what I do so well, wait. They told me that is I did not hear from them this week, I should call.

We also were told this week by the school district of Philadelphia that there will be no summer school this year.  Summer school in July went a long way to help Ryan with his reading.  I felt so let down by the school district again and plan to meet with part of Ryan’s team who is a resource specialist about academic based camps that may spring up in the wake of summer school being canceled.   I have to find something because at this point Ryan, who started first grade with a two year reading deficit,  is only one month behind.  A long summer without help in reading will really throw him behind.  Then again, at this point I am used to the School District of Philadelphia throwing us under the bus.  Well, at least next year they can’t throw us under the bus because there is not going to be any bus service in the city.

To finish off the story of waiting.  Aaron was told in November 2010 that he may be outgrowing his egg allergy.  Yes, that was 14 months ago.  Well, as of now his appointment is a mere 84 days away.  Being able to consume egg will really change the food options in my house.

For now, I am trying to remain patient.

10
Jul
10

Peaches and Cream

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: ,

I love that my best friend from high school’s father reads my blog.  Being the child of older parents he was young, hip, and liberal compared to my high school self’s almost 60 year old parents. He was the single father raising two daughters alone at a time when that was rare.   When I was 17 years old and was trying to have sex and stay childfree he would allow his daughter to hold my birth control pills.  He let me keep them at his house when my parents found mine and freaked out.  They had not been teenagers since the 1940′s and had no clue what to do with a kid in the 1980′s.  I am so glad A is back in my life via FB and he is an avid read of my blog.  I have grown up to mirror many of his beliefs and I love we are now friends.

He left the following message on FB in response to my last post:

It is so great to know someone who can spend so much time with her children, and seem to enjoy all of it. And, you are a great writer, too.

Happy Birthday Aaron, and be sure to appreciate your mom…

Love ya,

A

I laughed out loud.  I kept thinking where was he when I wrote this, this, and this.  This is a quick sampling of so many posts where I was over come with anguish of having two active boys, so close in age,  with special needs.  I have to admit six has been an amazing year for Ryan.  He has been forced by his issues to have a maturity his friends do not have. He knows there are meds that can help him but he insists he does not want them.  He knows they have possible side effects but he chooses to learn another way. I am so proud to be riding this utopian wave with the boys and their needs but I have to be ever villigent for the other shoe to drop.  This is only the first round.  ADHD and Food Allergies 0 – Us 1.

18
May
10

Different Learners

By punkymama 1 Comment
Categories: Punky Mama
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Someone on twitter posted a link about this interview today.

I listened to this interview with Dr.  Jane Healy Ph. D. I really want to get her new book called, Different Learners: Identifying, Preventing and Treating your Child’s Learning Problems.  I related to her so much.  She comes from the stance that all kids brains are wired differently. Whether a development problem becomes a disability and if medication is needed depends on its severity and expectations made of a child at a given age.  The interview talked about expecting so much from kids academically at an early age and how kindergarten girls are at a much different developmental place than the boys. Every topic she spoke about had me riveted.  It was obvious that she was not a fan of the no child left behind act.

I found her words down to earth, practical, and comforting. With the ADHD diagnoses comes with the alarms of get medical help or your kid will fail, without meds your child is doomed to prison, and do something now while your child is young or it will be too late.    It was so nice to hear that for once ADHD does not have to mean broken, it could mean just different.  I can’t wait to hear her tips on helping a child after diagnosis.

27
Apr
10

Bad ADHD Days

By punkymama 5 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
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The last few days have been bad for ADHD in our house.  Ryan has been tough to be around.  We went to the pool Sunday with Cecily and Tori and he was ignoring boundaries more than he has lately, grabbing toys, and he was generally hard to be with.   After he swam a bunch of laps he was easier to handle and he was very good at Whole Foods.

School this week has been a huge back slide. His class has a green, yellow, and red behavior chart.  Ryan has had yellows or reds everyday since Friday.  This is his worst behavior of the school year.  He has been tough to have at home and hard to have out of the house.  He has not exhibited this behavior so consistently in over a year. I have no clue what is going on.  He is eating well, running around outside, going to bed on time, all things that are usually Ryan behavior triggers.  I have been sad about it, feeling overwhelmed,  and mourning normalcy, and started to wonder what I have done wrong lately.

The universe speaks back.  I found this amazing blog.  As I read post after post and comment after comment I discovered that for the first time I am not alone in ADHD hell.  There are other parents emotionally and physically exhausted by ADHD parenting, the schedules, the social issues, the behavior, just all of it.  One post, a guest blogger, talked about “the schedule” and deviating from “the schedule” and it’s behavioral consequences. I wept. Most of the people on the blog use medication for their kids but most also did everything they could before resorting to medication.  Many went to OT and behavior modification like we have.  They all were not expecting a magic bullet with meds but were doing the best they could for their kid.

As I started thinking about meds again for Ryan an email from an old friend popped up about  this book. My friend is someone I looked to as a motherly figure for a long time although she is only a few years older than I am. Then on facebook she posted about mADD man.  Someone posted on her thread about this book, called Teaching the Restless: One School’s Remarkable No-Ritalin Approach to Helping Children Learn and Succeed. I came away with a renewed resolve and two new books to read.  Glad my friends are witchy.

Back to music tomorrow.

25
Mar
10

He Knocked the Ball Out of the Park

By punkymama 5 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

Off we went to the report card meeting.  I felt awful.  I got some gastrointestinal bug and I had been limping through the day. When the time came to go to the conference my husband and I dropped Ryan off at the sitters house where Aaron was already.  The sitter said Ryan arrived uneasy but after a bit started playing.  I was nervous.  The last report card meeting was shocking.  Ryan had gotten “Not Satisfactory” in almost 85% of the 37 categories. He was fighting the teacher on everything she was trying to get him to do.  He was doing some of the work and he knew the academics but things were not going well.

The conferences are held in alphabetical order and Ryan’s last name has us coming in last.  We arrived and the teacher had two people ahead of us. When she saw us waiting she wanted to hand us his report card before we went in.  She said, I think you both will be nicely surprised.  WOW! HOLY SHIT!  Now 35 of the 37 categories were now Satisfactory. As my husband and I  reviewed the report card in the hallway I had to cry. I cried relief because everything we have done for Ryan is not in vain.  The report card is proof that he can change and will change, with love and support.  It made the super human long days, all the therapies, worry, and schedules worth it.

When we spoke with the teacher she was really supportive of Ryan.  She told us she was extremely excited with his progress.  She felt that ADHD meds are a bad idea for Ryan because he can do exactly what he needs to do if you give him time to adjust. She then spoke with us about first grade, and what teacher she’d like to recommend for him.  I appreciated what she had to say and I was so glad she is looking out for his future.

I know we will have other challenges with Ryan someday but for one night I am going to stop worrying.  I am going to feel content and happy in this win. This is not just Ryan’s win it is a family win.  We all took part in helping Ryan, even Aaron who attended behavior modification therapy with us at times and calls Ryan on his behavior.  Although before I go to bed I have to go read the report card again and marvel in everything that boy is and can be.

24
Mar
10

T’was The Night Before Report Card Conferences

By punkymama 1 Comment
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

Here we are again.  Another report card conference tomorrow. I am seriously not looking forward to it.   Last report card, although Ryan is performing well academically, he received mostly Not Satisfactory’s.  It was the longest report card conference in history, 1.5 hours.  They didn’t tell me much that I didn’t know.  Ryan likes to live life on his own terms.  This is a good trait if you are Peter Fonda in Easy Rider or some crazy inventor/scientist who is changing the world with a new discovery by bucking the system.  This is not a trait that is encouraged in a kindergartener with ADHD.

Ryan can learn to follow rules but it takes him 50 times longer to start getting with the program.  He sometimes tends to opt out of group sing a longs and other activities that build skills that are important for a kindergartener.  I have gotten nasty comments about not medicating my kid here but I have huge issues with the meds. How can people give these “magic pills” to kids and not really know the long-term consequences of giving a child speed everyday for the rest of his life. I know life with Ryan is trying but eventually with enough patience and hard work he learns the proper way but school is not built that way.  School is all about the standard and meeting the requirements of the standardized tests.

Recently Ryan finally has gotten some sensory integration hardware to help him in the classroom.  He has a weighted vest and vibrating seat pad.  This hardware helps stimulate his muscles so that he can calm himself and increase his attention.  Ryan is the square peg for a round hole and sometimes I wonder just how long he will last in public school.

04
Mar
10

Encouragement in Unlikely Places

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
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Today was not my best mothering morning.  My husband is on a leave very early and get home very late cycle with work.  That translates for more solo parenting than I’d like and feelings of being burned out.  I was more angry with Ryan than I had been in a long time.  He was completely uncooperative which is unlike him in the morning.  As I was trying to give Aaron meds for his asthma that has been flaring up this week, Ryan grabbed one of the inhaled drugs and decided to dose himself.  These drugs make Aaron hyper,  and all I could think was poor Ryan’s teacher this morning.  On the way to school add more screaming and fighting from the boys.  It got to the point I pulled the car over, turned it off, locked the doors and walked off for a few minutes.  I was in sight of the car but I needed a sanity breather.  I eventually got Ryan to school, warned his teacher of him medicating himself with what equals five cups of coffee, and took off with Aaron to meet my friend J and her daughter O at the Please Touch Museum.

I was complaining to J about the morning.  I felt bad for all of us involved and I was a tad miserable.  I was then in the arts and crafts room of the museum.  One of the older workers asked after Ryan. She told me how he reminds her of her daughter.  She then told me a long story of her daughter.  Her daughter had what they called Hyperactivity and they tried to get her Mom to put her on what is now ADHD drugs about 35 years ago.  The woman refused to put her daughter on the meds.  She told me that she cried herself to sleep on more than one occasion because of her daughters problems at school and with other kids.  She told me she got her daughter involved with swimming.  Her daughter swam competitively from the time she was five till she graduated college.  My eyes opened wide because I know what swimming has done for Ryan and I planned on signing him up for swim team this summer.  She patted me on the back in a Motherly way and told me that she knew how tough it is but we will all make it and we could help Ryan make it through without drugs.  I asked her how her daughter was now.  She told me her daughter is forty years old and an Orthopedic Surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the country.  She told me her daughter still battles her ADHD daily but she has learned to survive without the drugs and Ryan will too.  I walked away with my reserves of patience full and ready to take on the battle.  Fate put that woman in my path when I needed it most.

02
Mar
10

The Current ADHD Conundrum

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

My husband likes to say that Ryan is what happens when you take two people who lived on the fringes of society for so long and have a baby.

Ryan has ADHD.  He is impulsive, hyper, stubborn, has trouble listening, can’t sit still, has some social problems, and has issues with boundaries, hence he has the strongest inner punk rocker I ever saw.  That is all part of being a 6 year old with ADHD.  We have chosen not to medicate Ryan.  We feel that lifelong psychiatric meds are not necessarily what can help him in the long term. We use quite a few techniques to help Ryan navigate life.  I have talked about this in quite a few posts.

We have many boys in my neighborhood.  One neighbor has a boy a few years older than Ryan and a brother who is exactly in age halfway between Ryan and Aaron.  We spend time together on the snowy days and we have done some social things together. We enjoy them.

I have found with Ryan either other kids love him or can’t stand to put up with him.  They have a very visceral reaction to his not being able to comply all the time and his impulsiveness.  The neighbor kids have had a few run in’s with Ryan and our last visit did not go well.

My neighbor invited us to go to an art class this weekend with the boys.  At first I agreed.  Then I talked with my husband after thinking about it.  For most kids a Saturday morning art class would be fun.  I can’t imagine asking Ryan to sit still on a Saturday morning.  He follows the rules at school somewhat successfully all week.   (He has had a red, yellow, green behavior chart for school since January and he has never gotten a red, has gotten quite a few yellows, and even gets days on end of green occasionally. As much as I want him to be typical and go to the art class my gut said no.  Ryan needs space in his life that is ok to be wild and physical.  Weekends are for biking, scooter, swimming, hiking, and endless matchbox car sessions with Aaron.  Aaron seems to understand Ryan better than other kids, they fight but they also have an easy togetherness lately that has never been there before.  I wish I had one shred of normalcy around here. Just one day of not thinking of food allergy choices.  One day of accepting an invitation  without worrying how Ryan will handle it.

………….Then again I kinda hate normal.

06
Jan
10

The Tale of the Teeth

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
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Ryan has had a few loose teeth for a few weeks.  We wiggled and wiggled them and he played with them all the time.  The suckers never came out.  I paid it no mind until one of the teeth started growing in behind his tooth giving him a decidedly shark like feature.  I waited some more and still the damm tooth did not fall out.  I finally called the dentist yesterday and they dragged us in with a late afternoon appointment today.  I was glad for the since Ryan received a perfect attendance certificate for the first report card period and the ceremony was today.

We arrive at the appointment and I felt really antsy.  I was worse than Ryan the ADHD boy pacing about.  I was nervous for him and he had no clue.  The dentist took him in and they x-rayed his mouth.   They felt they needed to removed three teeth to let this one tooth come in correctly.  There was another tooth ready to break through so removing all three kept us from coming back in a few weeks.  Great.  We have insurance but I needed to cover $142 of the procedure.  Thank God for the emergency credit card!

They took him back and numbed him up and removed all three teeth.  My little one emerged from the dentist chair with a mouth full of gauze, fetching blue stick on earrings, smiling ear to ear.  His first words through the gauze was, hey Mom can I play the video games the dentist has.  Ryan is a tough kid.  His ADHD makes doing anything with him hard at times but I have to admit he is a trooper. He makes getting three teeth removed look like a fun adventure at the dentist. He sees everything as a wonderful adventure. I should learn from him because his outlook puts life in such a positive light.

I felt bad.  Loosing his first teeth was this huge dental experience and not the normal loosing the teeth at home.  We have triple the tooth fairy loot for him and he went to bed overjoyed that unlike everyone else he gets THREE treats from the tooth fairy. Sometimes I just love that kid’s attitude.

04
Dec
09

Parenting Fail – No More Maimed Loved Ones

By punkymama 9 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

Having an ADHD child is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It tests who and what I am made of daily in a visceral way.  Nothing else has tested me in my life like parenting this child and he is only six.   I am starting to feel that if I can keep him alive long enough he may get some sense.

Tonight was one of the roughest parenting nights I have had since Wildman (fuck it, his name is Ryan, enough hiding behind a pseudonym) was four years old before the interventions and behavior modification.  Let’s begin after school.

After school we spent a little time on the playground with Ryan, Little Boy A (who is Aaron by the way) and their friend S.  It was their normal play of Ryan torturing S. Ryan does not torture any other kid like he does S.  He wants S. approval so much he can’t control himself and resorts to negative behavior.  I swear sometimes I wonder why S even gives him the time of day.  I could see in Ryan’s eye that I had a long night ahead. We went to the grocery store and they were actually ok.  If the boys are well-behaved and helpful while grocery shopping they both get two quarters each.  I let them buy candy from the machines at the front of the store with one quarter and the other quarter they give to the charity of the week collecting in front of the store.  The cashier gave both boys a grocery bag so they had a place to put the candy. Both the cashier and I told them under no circumstances could they put the bag on their heads.

As soon as we merged into traffic both boys started putting the plastic grocery bags on their heads and tightening it around their necks.  I quickly pulled over and took the bags from each boy.  This resulted in them screaming all the way home and acting out.  Both boys then got out of the car and helped me bring all the groceries up.  I immediately could see some of their behavior was hunger and I set out to put the groceries away and start an easy dinner.  As I rushed to do all of this Ryan was in the kitchen every five seconds. Can I have a glass of seltzer?  Yes, as soon as I get the groceries away, please find something to do in the living room for 10 minutes.  Five seconds later.  My treasure box (a beautiful finished cigar box that I got for each boy for their found treasures) has been on time out for a week can I have it back?  Yes, but please be patient I will get it for you after dinner.  Five seconds later.  Can I have some seltzer?  You get the picture. After the 90th question he went in and hurt or took something from his brother.  Even though they are 20 months apart Ryan is over 30 lbs heavier than Aaron and can take anything from him easily.

I told Ryan to go into his room till dinner was ready because I was making dinner and putting groceries away and I did not have time for his negative attention seeking and chaos making.  This is the part of ADHD I hate. Ryan in some ways never got older than 18 months.  He never thinks anything through and never considers the danger of his acts.

After dinner as we went upstairs he told me while he was upstairs earlier he climbed to the top of my dresser and got the treasure box off the top of the TV.  GASP HE CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A TALL UNSECURED 4 FOOT DRESSER TO GET THE TREASURE BOX OFF THE TV WHICH WAS ON TOP OF THE DRESSER.  All of a sudden I couldn’t breath.  I got so upset I shook. I sobbed for a good long time.  I know how completely dangerous that was and I have read the stories of kids dying with TV’s toppling. I have had enough near death instances with loved ones this year that the floodgates opened and I sobbed all the tears I never let myself have the luxury of crying.  I cried for the fear I had when my husband underwent heart surgery, I cried for the hell that was this summer, I cried for my sister P and how close she came to loosing her life, I cried for my Ryan’s bike accident, I cried for stupid fucking food allergies, I cried for ADHD, I cried for the lack of compliance on the school’s part for Ryan’s IEP, and I cried because I was just plain tired because I work at night.   As I cried I could hear my sister K’s voice in my head calling me a drama queen but I didn’t care. Fuck It.

Something had to give.

****************************************************************

News out of the ICU  continues to be good.  She is miserable in the ICU but she is starting to  eat and they turn the ventilator down a bit every day.  Tomorrow K is going to NY.  She works in the medical industry and she will bring back a fuller picture of what is going on.   We plan to have an intervention about her eating when she gets better.  We all want her around and that is something I won’t miss.

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