Posts Tagged ‘ADHD

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24
Mar
10

T’was The Night Before Report Card Conferences

By punkymama 1 Comment
Categories: Punky Mama
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Here we are again.  Another report card conference tomorrow. I am seriously not looking forward to it.   Last report card, although Ryan is performing well academically, he received mostly Not Satisfactory’s.  It was the longest report card conference in history, 1.5 hours.  They didn’t tell me much that I didn’t know.  Ryan likes to live life on his own terms.  This is a good trait if you are Peter Fonda in Easy Rider or some crazy inventor/scientist who is changing the world with a new discovery by bucking the system.  This is not a trait that is encouraged in a kindergartener with ADHD.

Ryan can learn to follow rules but it takes him 50 times longer to start getting with the program.  He sometimes tends to opt out of group sing a longs and other activities that build skills that are important for a kindergartener.  I have gotten nasty comments about not medicating my kid here but I have huge issues with the meds. How can people give these “magic pills” to kids and not really know the long-term consequences of giving a child speed everyday for the rest of his life. I know life with Ryan is trying but eventually with enough patience and hard work he learns the proper way but school is not built that way.  School is all about the standard and meeting the requirements of the standardized tests.

Recently Ryan finally has gotten some sensory integration hardware to help him in the classroom.  He has a weighted vest and vibrating seat pad.  This hardware helps stimulate his muscles so that he can calm himself and increase his attention.  Ryan is the square peg for a round hole and sometimes I wonder just how long he will last in public school.

04
Mar
10

Encouragement in Unlikely Places

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: ,

Today was not my best mothering morning.  My husband is on a leave very early and get home very late cycle with work.  That translates for more solo parenting than I’d like and feelings of being burned out.  I was more angry with Ryan than I had been in a long time.  He was completely uncooperative which is unlike him in the morning.  As I was trying to give Aaron meds for his asthma that has been flaring up this week, Ryan grabbed one of the inhaled drugs and decided to dose himself.  These drugs make Aaron hyper,  and all I could think was poor Ryan’s teacher this morning.  On the way to school add more screaming and fighting from the boys.  It got to the point I pulled the car over, turned it off, locked the doors and walked off for a few minutes.  I was in sight of the car but I needed a sanity breather.  I eventually got Ryan to school, warned his teacher of him medicating himself with what equals five cups of coffee, and took off with Aaron to meet my friend J and her daughter O at the Please Touch Museum.

I was complaining to J about the morning.  I felt bad for all of us involved and I was a tad miserable.  I was then in the arts and crafts room of the museum.  One of the older workers asked after Ryan. She told me how he reminds her of her daughter.  She then told me a long story of her daughter.  Her daughter had what they called Hyperactivity and they tried to get her Mom to put her on what is now ADHD drugs about 35 years ago.  The woman refused to put her daughter on the meds.  She told me that she cried herself to sleep on more than one occasion because of her daughters problems at school and with other kids.  She told me she got her daughter involved with swimming.  Her daughter swam competitively from the time she was five till she graduated college.  My eyes opened wide because I know what swimming has done for Ryan and I planned on signing him up for swim team this summer.  She patted me on the back in a Motherly way and told me that she knew how tough it is but we will all make it and we could help Ryan make it through without drugs.  I asked her how her daughter was now.  She told me her daughter is forty years old and an Orthopedic Surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the country.  She told me her daughter still battles her ADHD daily but she has learned to survive without the drugs and Ryan will too.  I walked away with my reserves of patience full and ready to take on the battle.  Fate put that woman in my path when I needed it most.

02
Mar
10

The Current ADHD Conundrum

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

My husband likes to say that Ryan is what happens when you take two people who lived on the fringes of society for so long and have a baby.

Ryan has ADHD.  He is impulsive, hyper, stubborn, has trouble listening, can’t sit still, has some social problems, and has issues with boundaries, hence he has the strongest inner punk rocker I ever saw.  That is all part of being a 6 year old with ADHD.  We have chosen not to medicate Ryan.  We feel that lifelong psychiatric meds are not necessarily what can help him in the long term. We use quite a few techniques to help Ryan navigate life.  I have talked about this in quite a few posts.

We have many boys in my neighborhood.  One neighbor has a boy a few years older than Ryan and a brother who is exactly in age halfway between Ryan and Aaron.  We spend time together on the snowy days and we have done some social things together. We enjoy them.

I have found with Ryan either other kids love him or can’t stand to put up with him.  They have a very visceral reaction to his not being able to comply all the time and his impulsiveness.  The neighbor kids have had a few run in’s with Ryan and our last visit did not go well.

My neighbor invited us to go to an art class this weekend with the boys.  At first I agreed.  Then I talked with my husband after thinking about it.  For most kids a Saturday morning art class would be fun.  I can’t imagine asking Ryan to sit still on a Saturday morning.  He follows the rules at school somewhat successfully all week.   (He has had a red, yellow, green behavior chart for school since January and he has never gotten a red, has gotten quite a few yellows, and even gets days on end of green occasionally. As much as I want him to be typical and go to the art class my gut said no.  Ryan needs space in his life that is ok to be wild and physical.  Weekends are for biking, scooter, swimming, hiking, and endless matchbox car sessions with Aaron.  Aaron seems to understand Ryan better than other kids, they fight but they also have an easy togetherness lately that has never been there before.  I wish I had one shred of normalcy around here. Just one day of not thinking of food allergy choices.  One day of accepting an invitation  without worrying how Ryan will handle it.

………….Then again I kinda hate normal.

06
Jan
10

The Tale of the Teeth

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
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Ryan has had a few loose teeth for a few weeks.  We wiggled and wiggled them and he played with them all the time.  The suckers never came out.  I paid it no mind until one of the teeth started growing in behind his tooth giving him a decidedly shark like feature.  I waited some more and still the damm tooth did not fall out.  I finally called the dentist yesterday and they dragged us in with a late afternoon appointment today.  I was glad for the since Ryan received a perfect attendance certificate for the first report card period and the ceremony was today.

We arrive at the appointment and I felt really antsy.  I was worse than Ryan the ADHD boy pacing about.  I was nervous for him and he had no clue.  The dentist took him in and they x-rayed his mouth.   They felt they needed to removed three teeth to let this one tooth come in correctly.  There was another tooth ready to break through so removing all three kept us from coming back in a few weeks.  Great.  We have insurance but I needed to cover $142 of the procedure.  Thank God for the emergency credit card!

They took him back and numbed him up and removed all three teeth.  My little one emerged from the dentist chair with a mouth full of gauze, fetching blue stick on earrings, smiling ear to ear.  His first words through the gauze was, hey Mom can I play the video games the dentist has.  Ryan is a tough kid.  His ADHD makes doing anything with him hard at times but I have to admit he is a trooper. He makes getting three teeth removed look like a fun adventure at the dentist. He sees everything as a wonderful adventure. I should learn from him because his outlook puts life in such a positive light.

I felt bad.  Loosing his first teeth was this huge dental experience and not the normal loosing the teeth at home.  We have triple the tooth fairy loot for him and he went to bed overjoyed that unlike everyone else he gets THREE treats from the tooth fairy. Sometimes I just love that kid’s attitude.

04
Dec
09

Parenting Fail – No More Maimed Loved Ones

By punkymama 9 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

Having an ADHD child is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It tests who and what I am made of daily in a visceral way.  Nothing else has tested me in my life like parenting this child and he is only six.   I am starting to feel that if I can keep him alive long enough he may get some sense.

Tonight was one of the roughest parenting nights I have had since Wildman (fuck it, his name is Ryan, enough hiding behind a pseudonym) was four years old before the interventions and behavior modification.  Let’s begin after school.

After school we spent a little time on the playground with Ryan, Little Boy A (who is Aaron by the way) and their friend S.  It was their normal play of Ryan torturing S. Ryan does not torture any other kid like he does S.  He wants S. approval so much he can’t control himself and resorts to negative behavior.  I swear sometimes I wonder why S even gives him the time of day.  I could see in Ryan’s eye that I had a long night ahead. We went to the grocery store and they were actually ok.  If the boys are well-behaved and helpful while grocery shopping they both get two quarters each.  I let them buy candy from the machines at the front of the store with one quarter and the other quarter they give to the charity of the week collecting in front of the store.  The cashier gave both boys a grocery bag so they had a place to put the candy. Both the cashier and I told them under no circumstances could they put the bag on their heads.

As soon as we merged into traffic both boys started putting the plastic grocery bags on their heads and tightening it around their necks.  I quickly pulled over and took the bags from each boy.  This resulted in them screaming all the way home and acting out.  Both boys then got out of the car and helped me bring all the groceries up.  I immediately could see some of their behavior was hunger and I set out to put the groceries away and start an easy dinner.  As I rushed to do all of this Ryan was in the kitchen every five seconds. Can I have a glass of seltzer?  Yes, as soon as I get the groceries away, please find something to do in the living room for 10 minutes.  Five seconds later.  My treasure box (a beautiful finished cigar box that I got for each boy for their found treasures) has been on time out for a week can I have it back?  Yes, but please be patient I will get it for you after dinner.  Five seconds later.  Can I have some seltzer?  You get the picture. After the 90th question he went in and hurt or took something from his brother.  Even though they are 20 months apart Ryan is over 30 lbs heavier than Aaron and can take anything from him easily.

I told Ryan to go into his room till dinner was ready because I was making dinner and putting groceries away and I did not have time for his negative attention seeking and chaos making.  This is the part of ADHD I hate. Ryan in some ways never got older than 18 months.  He never thinks anything through and never considers the danger of his acts.

After dinner as we went upstairs he told me while he was upstairs earlier he climbed to the top of my dresser and got the treasure box off the top of the TV.  GASP HE CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A TALL UNSECURED 4 FOOT DRESSER TO GET THE TREASURE BOX OFF THE TV WHICH WAS ON TOP OF THE DRESSER.  All of a sudden I couldn’t breath.  I got so upset I shook. I sobbed for a good long time.  I know how completely dangerous that was and I have read the stories of kids dying with TV’s toppling. I have had enough near death instances with loved ones this year that the floodgates opened and I sobbed all the tears I never let myself have the luxury of crying.  I cried for the fear I had when my husband underwent heart surgery, I cried for the hell that was this summer, I cried for my sister P and how close she came to loosing her life, I cried for my Ryan’s bike accident, I cried for stupid fucking food allergies, I cried for ADHD, I cried for the lack of compliance on the school’s part for Ryan’s IEP, and I cried because I was just plain tired because I work at night.   As I cried I could hear my sister K’s voice in my head calling me a drama queen but I didn’t care. Fuck It.

Something had to give.

****************************************************************

News out of the ICU  continues to be good.  She is miserable in the ICU but she is starting to  eat and they turn the ventilator down a bit every day.  Tomorrow K is going to NY.  She works in the medical industry and she will bring back a fuller picture of what is going on.   We plan to have an intervention about her eating when she gets better.  We all want her around and that is something I won’t miss.

02
Dec
09

Spontaneity

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , , , ,

Being the parent to an ADHD child and a child with multiple food allergies leaves little space in our lives for spontaneity.  Wildman thrives on a set schedule executed with precision. In Little Boy A’s case I have to plan carefully if going out.  I have to make sure I bring food, epi pen, and benedryl, just in case.  I didn’t have kids till my late 30′s so this loss of spontaneity has been something I miss most since the boys arrived. As they get older they are of course easier but the above problems don’t go away.

We always find dining out an issue.  Sometimes if we bring some food and order some food we are ok but again this means planning.  If we want Wildman controlled and not acting out with his eyes rolling in his head we have to keep his schedule. He is happier which makes us happier.

Today I got a small amount of spontaneity and it felt oh so good. My friends Cecily and Charlie, called to borrow something.  Charlie was going to stop by after Wildman got out of school.  I then called Cecily and told her that Charlie should bring Tori with him. Cecily I guess decided to come too.  Then they hit traffic and got to my house exactly 10 minutes after homework was done.  This visit morphed from coming to borrow something to a really fun dinner for six with three wild kids who were stuck in the house in the rain going bonkers. We had the most amazing wild time till Little Boy A threw up.  It was just so fun though.  For a few minutes I felt like spontaneity was again someday going to be in grasp.

********************************************************************

Another huge day in the ICU.  My sister was out of bed and in a chair for over an hour today.  She actually stood up after 3.5 weeks of being bedridden and tried to walk with assistance.  She took the swallow test today and if the ventillator does not suck any of the dye ridden applesauce out of her lungs she can start eating.   My Mom gave my sister her glasses and they actually watched TV for a while together.  No word on her other tests but all this news is almost too goo to be true.  I really wish I could get up there this week.

02
May
09

ADHD Support List Day

By punkymama 7 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , , ,

1.  I hate that the biggest support group for ADHD, CHADD is heavily funded by drug companies. Great.  If you are hesitant in medicating your child where do you go?

2.  DAN! Dr’s. believe Autism, ADHD, and Food Allergies are cause by Mercury poisoning.  They perscribe special diets and supplements for detoxing your kid.  Not sure I can afford this.

3.  Message boards.  HA! It is a mess of the medicators pontificating how meds changed their kids life and the few non medicators talking about diets and supplements.  UGH

4.  Has anyone else on the planet used sensory integration techniques (a sensory diet), behavior mod, and social therapy to help their kid with ADHD.  If it is not supposed to work, how come Wildman is doing so well?

5.  Why is the early intervention teacher trying to get my son’s preschool teacher to pressure me about starting my  5 year old on meds even though he is doing well with his academics and is starting to read.

6.  Will I survive Kindergarten? Will he??

7.  If we do try meds eventually which I really don’t want to do, a new study indicated that after 2 years they don’t work anyway.

8.  It is safe to say ADHD is kicking my ass, and it is not even my kids behavior that is killing me. It is the lack of sensible information about alternatives to  medications that don’t drain your pocket or ask you to invoke God to help your kid.

9.  I love this article.  It is exactly how I feel.

03
Apr
09

It is easier.

By punkymama 1 Comment
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: ,

I have been a very patient Mom.  When Wildman was born, the newborn stuff I could handle.  He slept fairly well and ate when he was supposed to.  He was a curious and happy sort who loved to be passed around at a party.  Then it all kicked off when he started to crawl.  He could climb about 10 minutes after learning and all bets were off.  I considered renting him out as a baby proofing tester till he was well over 2 years old.  At 3 we considered that he had an issue, because he was above and beyond any other kid’s activity level and defiance. Four was even worse.  I listened to other Mom’s go on and on about how at a magic age things with their child got easier.  I quietly wondered if it was ever going to happen to me or would I be a tired exasperated mess forever chasing a defiant kid.

BLAM fast forward past 5.  After occupational therapy, behavior modification therapy, and the early intervention in school I can safely say at 5 and 1/2 years things are easier.  Being with Wildman these days is like nothing I have experienced as a parent.  HE CAN BE REASONED WITH.    I can explain something to this kid and most of the time he will listen and comply!!! HOLY SHIT.

We went hiking this week while his brother was at school.  We chatted and chatted.  I swear I must of teared up no less than 5 times on the hike.  He was insiteful, interesting, and we had great conversations.  Heck we even held hands a little.  I feel like I am falling in love with this kid all over again.   He is still tough but he gets it most of the time. I find myself dreading the start of Kindergarten and think about homeschooling.  I am sure going to miss him next year. One thing is for sure  he is going to be one cool dude when he grows up, ADHD and all.

03
Mar
09

Kindergarten, IEP’s, and more!

By punkymama 2 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , , ,

The drama level in my house has finally dropped off. My husband is still bruised but doing better.  I am finally on the mend after two long bouts of stomach flu, Little Boy A is recovered, and Wildman (who has the constitution of a tank) never got it.

We have been looking at kindergarten for Wildman.  Oh my.  I live in the city but happen to have a great neighborhood public school three blocks away that was recently featured in the daily paper for what it is doing right.  It has diversity, decent test scores, a great principle, a local farmers food trust, and growing neighborhood support.  I also applied at this charter school but our chances of getting in are about as good as winning the Powerball, but I took a “you have to be in it to win it” attitude and applied anyway. We decided not to do private school because Wildman has a better chance of getting help he needs with his delays in either a public or charter school.  Then there is this school, that my friend Cecily and I had a very long email discussion about.  It is a school for homeschoolers.  The kids are home part time and go to school part time.  It allows for active learners like Wildman without all the labels.  It might make him feel less different. The downside is this is a 40 minute commute from my house each way without traffic. We really have no plans on moving with this economy.  We are at such a crossroads and we are trying to make plans, and contingency plans for his schooling.   Wildman has been asked to leave school (daycare) before and I feel as I walk in the door of a school I have to have an exit plan “just in case”.  The time leading up to his departure from daycare was so heartbreaking.  I never want him to have to stay in an environment that is not working for him for longer than necessary.  It took me over a year to undo what happened at the daycare.  We used to pass by the daycare building in the car and he would mutter how the teachers at that school didn’t like him at 2 1/2 years old.  I am determined not to let this happen again.

We have gotten Wildman’s developmental report from Elwyn and have his first IEP meeting with Ken Crest on March 19th.  The report basically said that he has ADHD, behavioral delays, social delays, and fine motor skill delays and is sensory seeking.  We find out what services he qualifies for after the IEP.  Should be the start of a new adventure. I hear so many bad things about the system and services not being given as needed.  We will see what kind of fight we are in for. I hope they are not sending him off to full time preschool for the summer.  I really wanted the time with both boys this summer.  I think I can do an excellent job of getting him to group activities and I feel like this may be one of the last summers I will not be working a real job and will have the time for them.  Last summer we went to a twice-weekly playgroup that was run like a preschool class, we went to the park, the zoo, museums, hiking, not to mention the pool and swimming lessons.

Today Wildman “graduated” from our private OT.  We now have the skills to help him with his sensory issues at home.  He has caught up alot and is in such a different place then where he was in September.  His therapist made his session really fun today.  She let him bake cookies and offer them to the other OT patients.  He was then able to bring home the rest.  She paid me a compliment and told me I was doing a good job and that he was going to do very well in life.  She had me crying all the way home. I really hope she is right and I can do well by this kid.  I love him so much and really want to do the best for him.

21
Feb
09

List day whiner edition

By punkymama 3 Comments
Categories: Punky Mama
Tags: , ,

Have a few items to discuss but have no energy to expand on all of them.

1.  Can Monday come and go please.  The tension in my house over the impending surgery can be cut with a knife.

2.  We got the whole evaluation about Wildman’s development from Elwyn.  He has more than a 25% delay in a few sections and we are going for his first IEP (individualized education plan) meeting in a few weeks.  Elwyn will be overseeing his therapy till the school district takes over in the summer.  I am happy that we qualified for services but I hear nightmares about the system and how they really never want to give you all the services needed.  I am trying to gear up for the fight except I really want to hide my head under the covers.

3.  I applied for a part time job for a Mommy site.  It would be moderating the message board,  maintaining local kids events calendar, planning events for the site, local directory of stores for kids, ect ect.  The only way to get paid, ad sales.  I was so disappointed.  I would be happy to sell ads for commission but for that to be the only pay was disappointing. I am really looking to cut one of my days at the bar.  The night hours are really starting to wear on me.  It has been almost 3.5 years of these insane hours and I am tired.

4.  Did I mention I feel like a whiner.

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