Having an ADHD child is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It tests who and what I am made of daily in a visceral way. Nothing else has tested me in my life like parenting this child and he is only six. I am starting to feel that if I can keep him alive long enough he may get some sense.
Tonight was one of the roughest parenting nights I have had since Wildman (fuck it, his name is Ryan, enough hiding behind a pseudonym) was four years old before the interventions and behavior modification. Let’s begin after school.
After school we spent a little time on the playground with Ryan, Little Boy A (who is Aaron by the way) and their friend S. It was their normal play of Ryan torturing S. Ryan does not torture any other kid like he does S. He wants S. approval so much he can’t control himself and resorts to negative behavior. I swear sometimes I wonder why S even gives him the time of day. I could see in Ryan’s eye that I had a long night ahead. We went to the grocery store and they were actually ok. If the boys are well-behaved and helpful while grocery shopping they both get two quarters each. I let them buy candy from the machines at the front of the store with one quarter and the other quarter they give to the charity of the week collecting in front of the store. The cashier gave both boys a grocery bag so they had a place to put the candy. Both the cashier and I told them under no circumstances could they put the bag on their heads.
As soon as we merged into traffic both boys started putting the plastic grocery bags on their heads and tightening it around their necks. I quickly pulled over and took the bags from each boy. This resulted in them screaming all the way home and acting out. Both boys then got out of the car and helped me bring all the groceries up. I immediately could see some of their behavior was hunger and I set out to put the groceries away and start an easy dinner. As I rushed to do all of this Ryan was in the kitchen every five seconds. Can I have a glass of seltzer? Yes, as soon as I get the groceries away, please find something to do in the living room for 10 minutes. Five seconds later. My treasure box (a beautiful finished cigar box that I got for each boy for their found treasures) has been on time out for a week can I have it back? Yes, but please be patient I will get it for you after dinner. Five seconds later. Can I have some seltzer? You get the picture. After the 90th question he went in and hurt or took something from his brother. Even though they are 20 months apart Ryan is over 30 lbs heavier than Aaron and can take anything from him easily.
I told Ryan to go into his room till dinner was ready because I was making dinner and putting groceries away and I did not have time for his negative attention seeking and chaos making. This is the part of ADHD I hate. Ryan in some ways never got older than 18 months. He never thinks anything through and never considers the danger of his acts.
After dinner as we went upstairs he told me while he was upstairs earlier he climbed to the top of my dresser and got the treasure box off the top of the TV. GASP HE CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A TALL UNSECURED 4 FOOT DRESSER TO GET THE TREASURE BOX OFF THE TV WHICH WAS ON TOP OF THE DRESSER. All of a sudden I couldn’t breath. I got so upset I shook. I sobbed for a good long time. I know how completely dangerous that was and I have read the stories of kids dying with TV’s toppling. I have had enough near death instances with loved ones this year that the floodgates opened and I sobbed all the tears I never let myself have the luxury of crying. I cried for the fear I had when my husband underwent heart surgery, I cried for the hell that was this summer, I cried for my sister P and how close she came to loosing her life, I cried for my Ryan’s bike accident, I cried for stupid fucking food allergies, I cried for ADHD, I cried for the lack of compliance on the school’s part for Ryan’s IEP, and I cried because I was just plain tired because I work at night. As I cried I could hear my sister K’s voice in my head calling me a drama queen but I didn’t care. Fuck It.
Something had to give.
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News out of the ICU continues to be good. She is miserable in the ICU but she is starting to eat and they turn the ventilator down a bit every day. Tomorrow K is going to NY. She works in the medical industry and she will bring back a fuller picture of what is going on. We plan to have an intervention about her eating when she gets better. We all want her around and that is something I won’t miss.
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